Mom

In most groups of friends the mom is an awful title however in the world of sorostitute this is not true. Mom may be the one dragging your ass home at night, but that just so she can make it to her fratdaddies place without worrying about you screwing up the sorority’s reputation for the rest of the night. The mom’s number one goal like the mother of any good family is maintaining the group’s reputation.

Mom is an earned title in a group of slampieces. She tends not to be a younger member that is there making sure people don’t drink too much and whining that you shouldn’t be flirting with yet another fratdaddy, that’s just a Debbie Downer (that most likely if she doesn’t shape up will end up being a GDI). Mom is an older wiser sister that has been around the campus to know what’s up. She’s there to make sure that a sister is also upholding the rules.

What mom knows and why you should listen:

1. She is just like your real mom at home in saying, “You’re wearing that?” or no response to “how do I look”. Meaning:

a. That outfit is insanely unflattering making you fat

b. The outfit is too slutty and make you look like a desperate GDI

c. That outfit is too grandma and will not attractive an acceptable fratdaddy, unless he has a thing for cougars

Thus you should change unless you’re feeling like being the responsible sister that won’t be flirting with fratdaddies for the night.

2. When she snaps her finger that means straighten up and fix your hair because you’re getting sloppy.

3. A finger snap with a death glare means shut the hell up about whatever you’re discussing because the topic is an in-sorority matter only or the person you were talking to can’t be trusted.

4. She’s been the one to cry at the bar and be taken home (and people still talk about it) so when she tells you it is time to go she means it.

5. She does know what she is talking about when referencing the fratdaddies on campus…you think they’ve changed, but they haven’t. If they guys her age are still actively in the frat, it can’t have changed too much. Such as the pompous frat is still pompous, but now pompous bros.

6. She can get the info on a guy you’re talking to faster than you can say his full fraternity name.

7. She will remind you that the fratdaddy you’re with has hooked up with certain members of your chapter. Depending on the depth of the previous interaction she may still encourage your time with the fratdaddy.

8. She will be there to comfort you when you find out that a frat talks just as much, most likely more than, a sorority and the thus the whole frat knows who you’ve gotten on.

9. She will tell you to forget about that and accept gossiping frat boys as a fact of life.

10. Most importantly she will encourage you after everything to back after a fratdaddy…because no matter the effect on you one must always, always, always think about Frat Relations…and what is for the good of the chapter is what’s best.