Stories for slampieces

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Avoiding the Awkward Slampiece

So you did the unthinkable? You hooked up with a GDI, a good friend, or a random, and now you have to see him walking around and going to class (when you actually attend). How must a good tease avoid such interactions while maintaining her reputation on campus?

Unfortunately, I have drunkenly dabbled in GDIs more then once. I seem not only to lose my balance, my phone, and shoes when I drink, but I also lose my standards. As if having to live with your poor life decisions isn’t bad enough, now your sisters are going to find out. You may never live this down. Or it may fade into the makeout oblivion. Here are a few tips I have gathered from my awkward encounters:

· Consider changing your route to class if you run into him. It may seem silly but not having that awkward stare down is worth it.

· Have a class together? Leave it to the head-nod/smile for the first couple weeks (if he initiates the head-nod of course) after the hookup. It will eventually fade into stranger status, which is good.

· If you are with your sisters, in a group, or even with one other girl- make no recognition of his existence.

· At a bar or party, do not be tempted by the sweet confidence brought on by booze. This is dangerous territory because you may want to go up and say hi, or try to make out with him again. Chances are you do not want anyone to know you fell into the deep abyss which is repeating your mistakes, so try and distract yourself with your friends, making friends with the bartender, or an new man—all at arms length.

· If you are friends with the guy, this is very simple. You just pretend nothing ever happened. Deny. Deny. Deny.

· Sunglasses!! BIG BEAUTFUL SHADES= NO EYE CONTACT. Look good and keep your DIGNITY.

It’s nothing to be embarrassed about when you run into the awkward slampiece. As a matter of fact, as long as you pretend it doesn’t bother you, there is really no loss. Needless to say, the BEST way to avoid an awkward slampiece is to make good choices before anything can get awkward. But, who are we kidding, that’s never on the agenda ;)


Monday, February 14, 2011

Sisters are Supportive

Because I wasn't going to admit it myself, so I let Mom do it for me.

Valentine's Day

I have mixed feelings about Valentine's Day. I mean, sure it's a Hallmark holiday characterized by cheap gifts and shizzz but it is a painful reminder that we sometimes forget about love. In a subculture filled with nothing but getting trashed, looking good, and sleeping around, I think we tend to forget about the romance... Okay I can't even take myself seriously when I say that. I did, however, find myself getting a little jealous at the girls who got flowers today, the girls with balloons and cards. All I really wanted was "happy valentine's day" text message. Completely free and totally thoughtful. And if he happened to send flowers I certainly wouldn't send them back. Or chocolates. Or diamonds. But what is it about February 14th that makes me want to get attention when I know that my latest bf/slammy/fratty/flavoroftheweek is into me regardless of the date?
At the time of this post there are 3.5 hours left of vday. I will update as to if my feelings have changed. In the meantime, I hope y'all had a wonderful day being single or taken.

xoxo Tease

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Home Stretch

So if you hadn't guessed it by now, I, Mom, am our post grad contributor. This is the reasoning behind why you see so few posts from me. I didn't get my ring by spring, have a full time 9-6 job (that I love), and am still trying to figure out what my fratdaddy is thinking.

I was asked to be part of the staff knowing I had plenty of stories stored up from my wonderful years in a sorority. I was a sweetheart of two different chapters. Dated guys from two others...and lets say set a pretty high standard in fraternity relations for girls after me. I also knew the importance of our chapter. I was elected into a small position my first chapter meeting as a freshman and continued to serve our chapter in a position (including 2 terms on E-board) until I graduated. Also was and continue to be an open ear. The girls on the staff, and those not on our staff, know that I will answer my phone at any time of the day because I know if they are calling something is wrong.

So here I am to share some advice for our readers as many of you enter into your last semester of college:

1. Find a freshman to bond with. I still remember my senior mentor and aspired to bond with girl just like she had with me. This also keeps you strongly connected to the Chapter that made you who you are for a couple years longer.

2. Bond with a chapter advisor. I know some of them may be super stuffy, but they've been where you will be in a couple months. They have the job, the husband, and dedication to a bond that is life long. Learn from her story of how she decided to give back and impact your life.

3. Don’t miss an event with your Chapter. I know plenty of girls that wished they’d gone to more events, sisterhood and social. Don’t be the girl that regrets missing moments with her sisters.

4. Take as many pictures as possible to celebrate the memories. Those pictures make great additions to any post grad rooms. Or even better yet my little made me a coffee mug with a bunch of them on it so I take it to work with me every day smile thinking of the memories I have from the events of those pictures.

5. Don't be afraid to "just be friends" with a fratdaddy. Some of the most fun nights I had in college were just hanging out with the guys at the bar and some sisters singing Karaoke. Though we all hope for that ring by spring lots of guys are scared of settling down that early so be their friend. He's gonna have girls throwing themselves at him so be there for him. One day he'll realize that the girl that he's telling everything to and makes him smile is the girl he needs (yes he does need us).

6. Don't give up on that fratdaddy too soon. Sure he it might not look like he’ll give you that ring by spring, but you never know how 6 months of work can change him. You never day he may surprise you and take you out to lunch for your birthday ;)

7. Do every thing! Don't take a second to think if you should be going out with the girls! You will never have the senior year moments again. (If you’ve put your study effort in any weeknight is acceptable to go out.)

8. Find the most fun formal dress!!! Remember that yes you’ll still have a need for hot little black dresses and practical cocktail dresses, but this is your senior formal live it up.

9. Plan lots of final senior outings: group lunches, graduation/formal dress shopping parties, movie nights, and of course "the" senior bar crawl.

10. And most of all its YOUR SENIOR YEAR!!! Do not let anyone let you think otherwise. These are the last months you have to make an impact and go out with a bang! Make sure your sisters know who you were and that Chapter was changed for the better because of you!

Live it up girls!!!!


Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Post NYE

I suppose it is time for that after NYE post. And I suppose that you expect that it was a fabulous time of drunken debauchery illustrated by classy parties, chivalrous men, and fine liquor. Well, it wasn’t. As a matter of fact, my NYE was one hot mess. I guess the only place to start is from the beginning:

I arrived at my destination (campus) around 3PM. Ho-mance and I went shopping for last minute outfits at the local mall. It was a madhouse and full of geeds, so we simply had to pick something quickly and get to the important destination- the liquor store. Seeing that she is underage, I sent little Ho-mance to pick up some mixers while I grabbed a bottle of Grey Goose (I mean it was a holiday we needed to be fancy) and 8 bottles of Andre (to negate all class that ensued with the vodka). Surely, it was going to be a rough night.

We threw a fantastic dinner party with the boys and had a spectacular toast. It was time to move to the second party of the evening- the kegger. Nothing out of the ordinary happened besides drunken babble, flirting, party hats, those noisemaker things, beer pong, and pic taking. The third party was a block away and everyone was in the mood to count down the New Year. As girls scrambled around to find their midnight kiss, I sat in the corner with my personal bottle of champagne and guzzled while Ho-mance made out with my good friend. I wasn’t having the random make out tonight because I was being a pretentious bitch.

We moved back to the guys’ house and generally debauchery played out. As we made our way back home, I got a little sad that all my friends were out and about having sex with boyfriends/crushes/one-night-stands and I just wanted to put on my jammies and go to bed. I was spent.

I got a text around 2:36 AM from a guy from my past. And I caved. There is no explanation for why I did. We have been hooking up on and off for the past year and a half, and have sacrificed what used to be a great friendship for effortlessly hooking up. He is THAT exception to the rule. So he came over. He walked in and we quickly said hi as we bolted upstairs to my room. No other words were exchanged before we heavily started making out. Which was all that happened. Really hot, I know. As I faded into a slumber, he went home (apparently he had friends visiting from out of town and left them to be with me).

Between the drunk and the sleeping I managed to take my clothes off to be comfortable. Around 6:30 AM Ho-mance stumbled into my unlocked apartment into my room from her walk of shame. She was “ready for our slumber party!!” I warned her of my nakedness and she passed out without any recognition of my no clothes state. At 9:30 AM I heard the “OH FUCKK WHERE AM I?” coming from my little sister. I told her to shutup and get me a tshirt (she grabbed the Derby Days). We headed to McDonalds to cure our massive headaches and nursed our hangovers all day watching the Bravo network.

So there it was. Drunk, classless, messy, silly. Not necessarily the NYE I imagined, but nonetheless at least I did not blackout? I suppose I couldn't have expected much... after all, I AM a sorostitute.

xoxo Tease


typical sorostitute convo about GDI cousins.