Stories for slampieces

Thursday, December 30, 2010

New Year's Eve

Seeing that it is the only day that it is appropriate to wear a full on sparkle outfit, New Year’s Eve is certainly a great night for any sorostitute. However, I have personally made some NYE mistakes that I certainly do NOT want anyone else to make. I mean, let’s be honest, give us a sequins mini dress, a bottle of bubbly, and night where makeouts and blowing those noisy things until you nearly pass out is socially acceptable and we have a disaster on our hands.

One year, I was so desperate to kiss with someone at midnight that I spent the whole night scoping the parties and bars I was at. I did not pay attention to my drink intake and as a result ending up not remembering the countdown!! I ended up being attacked with tongue by some random guy against my will. Ewww. Upon getting home, a friend of a friend couldn’t keep her shiz together so I became the hair holder while she prayed to the porcelain Jesus. Overall, it was a really and successful fun night on sorostitute terms ;)

We must be mindful to not blackout this NYE. I am making a pledge to myself to keep it classy. Only one bottle of champagne must be consumed per girl. NO RANDOM MAKEOUTS. And it goes without saying


What are your NYE resolutions? What are your stories? Comment below!!

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Gotta Love the Holidays

So, with family Christmas parties right around the corner, we all must address the elephant in the room. Now, I normally don’t do such things seeing that I try to be genuinely nice to everyone (lies) and that I have more Christmas spirit than Slampiece herself (lies again), but, nonetheless, it needs to be taken care of. Yes, I am talking about the WORST part of the holidays— dealing with the GDI cousins.

Let’s set the stage shall we? You walk in and ugly Christmas sweaters abound the room. Grandmother dearest is sipping scotch on the rocks in the corner chair, complaining about something per usual. You turn to the left and cousin Ashley is stuffing her face with spinach dip. Is she preggers again? Is she even married? Some fatty walks by completely unrecognizable. Must be cousin Scott’s newest knocked-up slampiece. Has anyone here heard of Plan B?!? Avoid creepy uncle avoid creepy uncle avoid oh heyyyy dip into the bathroom.

Okay, so you’ve escaped to the bathroom and your hair looks great. You know right when you walk out that wanna-be-queen-bee herself cousin Becky will ask you all about going Greek and not so casually mention how she is soooo excited to go to the same school as you next year. (She’s already been put on the “list.”) Overall, everyone is acting idiotically and you are neither tipsy enough nor patient enough to deal with it. You retreat to the corner and bbm.

You and I alike still don’t understand why grandma thinks they are so wonderful. “They” being the geed cousins. Regardless, I have a few pointers to ensure you keep your calm and class while dealing with those pesky cousins:

1. - Don’t act like you’re better than them. It will just piss them off more.

2. - Try not to wear you absolute newest jewels and certainly nothing they envy. Look significantly better than them, but make it effortless.

3. - No need to talk about your sorority. They won’t understand and it just gives them more material to talk shiz about you behind your back. If the youngins want to rush, give them the general advice “be yourself” “

4. - Only bring up your boyfriend/slampiece/fratslam/crush if they bring up the opposite sex first. You don’t want to sound like you’re a braggin liar when you pull out the “Oh, Preston is a fourth generation mogul living in his fraternity house this year. He has a 3.70, does community service on the reg, and gave me a Yurman bracelet for Christmas.” You see what I mean?

5. - When all else fails, hit the booze hard.

I really don’t like Christmas time that much. The decorations give me anxiety because I hate knick-knacks and such. Not to mention too many temptations around sweet treats and tasty tid bits. But the cousins are frankly the worst. You and I can get through this. And if we can’t, there is always enough cognac to go around.

Marry Christmas babies,

Xoxo Tease

Letters Today, Leaders Tomorrow.

Lot's of GDI's/haters on the internet lately (they don't have anything better to do I guess).  

They will say that you are just a cookie cutter ho who wears the same outfit as your 200 sisters. What they don't realize is you have fun. A LOT more fun than then will ever have in college or the real world. They don't get that you know it's college, that's why you are having fun now. Because lord knows in a few years you will be happily married with a great job, an even better husband and some cute kids. And they will be single, living off their parents and working for you.  Know why? Here's why:
  • Over 800 campuses in the United States and Canada participate in GreekLife.
  • All but two US presidents since 1825 have been Greek
  • All but two US VP's since 1825 have been Greek
  • All of the Apollo 11 Astronauts were Greek
  • 85% of the Fortune 500 executives belong to a fraternity
  • Graduation rates for Greeks- 70%. GDI's- 50%
  • 1 st Female Senator was Greek 
  • 1 st Female Astronaut was Greek 
  • The Greek system is the largest network of volunteers in the US, with members donating over 10 million hours of volunteer service each year 


only 2% of the US population is Greek. 

So, while we have TFM, they have TGDIM and TCCM.
We have hundreds of "sisters" and "brothers" who will be our best friends for life. They have the their chemlab partner and fr year dorm mate. Going Greek is not for everyone, obvi, but if you know what's good for you and your future, you made it into a set of letters and you made it to this site. 

I wear nike shorts and take addy like a champ, I'll be the first to tweet about it. But I also get good grades and will go to graduate school. 

My sisters spend just as much time planning recruitment as studying for their tests (ok, more). We have Honors students, Engineers, Chemistry, Physics, English, Political Science, History, Education, Communications and Business Students. We have studied in many different countries. We have almost 100% involvement in other activities. We play intramural and club sports, we do ROTC, we have jobs. We joined a lifelong bond and stuck with it. 

If you're greek, raise your hand. If you're not....raise your standards.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Baking 102: Christmas Edition

So, I’ve been baking all day today. What else is there to do besides bake and shop for xmas presents at this point? I have a mani, pedi, and my shopping is done so I decided to spend over $100 buying baking stuff and set to work. I tweeted about it all day, and decided to share my favorites with you! MERRY CHRISTMAS

Slampiece’s “Hey, Sugar” Cookies
2 cups all-purpose flour
3/4 teaspoon baking powder
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 cup unsalted butter, softened
1 cup sugar
1 egg, beaten
1 tablespoon milk
Powdered sugar, for rolling out dough
Preheat oven to 375 Degrees (farenheight, we live in America)
Sift together flour, baking powder, and salt. Set aside.
Place butter and sugar in large bowl and mix for about a minute. I usually do it for an entire Katy Perry song, whatever works.
Add egg and milk and beat to combine. Put mixer on low speed, gradually add flour, and beat until mixture pulls away from the side of the bowl.
Divide the dough in half, wrap in waxed paper, and refrigerate for 2 hours.
After 2 hours, take out and roll out to ¼ in thick, then use cookie cutters and go CRAZY!
Slampiece’s Mother’s Royal Icing recipe
Every color of food coloring you can find
3 egg whites
1 teaspoon vanilla extract (real thing, honey, no imitations)
4 cups of Confectioner’s/Powdered sugar
Combine eggs and vanilla until frothy, and then slowly add confectioners sugar using a mixer on low speed. Mix on high for like 5 minutes (2 katy perry songs) until glossy. Separate and add desired coloring! TA DA.
Did some loser give you Starbucks VIA for xmas?
Make Slampiece’s Coffee Spice Cookies! Perfectly paired with cinnamon scones and a hangover!
2 teaspoons Starbucks VIA (1 package)           
1 teaspoon hot water
1/2 cup Butter Shortening
3/4 cup firmly packed brown sugar
1 large egg
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 1/2 cups Flour
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/4 teaspoon ground nutmeg
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/3 cup chocolate decorator bits


Heat oven to 375.

Dissolve Instant coffee in hot water. It’s going to look like a weird brown mess. Beat shortening, brown sugar, egg, vanilla and coffee mixture in large bowl with electric mixer until light and fluffy. Mix in flour, baking powder, cinnamon, nutmeg and salt.

Divide dough into two equal parts. Shape each half into a roll 7-inches long x 1 1/2-inches in diameter. Roll in chocolate decorator bits, pressing lightly. Wrap tightly. Refrigerate at least 2 hours.

Cut rolls into 1/4-inch slices. Place slices 1-inch apart on ungreased baking sheet.

Bake 6 to 8 minutes or until set. Cool on rack.
Have a great holiday, Sorostitutes! I'll try to make myself or another sissy post something before Christmas since we are all on break being hoodlums

xxox slammy

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Boots, Boys and Baking- Your questions (finally) answered!

We have all pretty much agreed over here at Sorostitute Stories that we are not going to do a bedroom post. Sorry ladies, but when I joined the chapter and went greek we didn’t have TFM or Sorostitute Stories to tell us what to do. My freshman year I was a mess trying to figure out who I was going to be in college. I can’t tell you how to please your Fratdaddy in the bedroom. I COULD, but I wont. It’s tacky. Relationships take work and are all different and special and blah blah blah. Basically, I’d tell you what to do and you’d do it and he’d freak out and then you all would post negative things. And the GDI’s would get on here and post about how we are all terrible people who are sluts, etc etc.

HOWEVER since I’m done with finals I think its HIGH TIME someone answered some of your more normal questions!

Q: I have a question that only older, more experience sorostitutes could answer. Is it ever acceptable to date a GDI? We are not talking a cargo wearing, tattoo sporting, Obama voting GDI. We are talking a wealthy, private school educated, Ralph Lauren wearing, Republican GDI. He's studying architecture and has applied for a job at my dad's firm. The only reason he's a GDI is because he's quiet and didn't want to have to deal with the social aspect of being a fratstar. I am thinking it's OK because he's successful and rich; plus my father approves. I am just concerned that all of my fellow sratty ladies will disown me or something. Opinions?
A: Depends on where you live, your age, etc. I don’t think I could ever marry a GDI, only because I just don’t think we would ever really understand each other. He would never understand that I spent college with puffpaint, natty, addy and letters while he was studying and….doing whatever it is that GDI’s do? And if you are a reader of this site, you are probably EXTREMELY sratty. You already use the term GDI’s, won’t that get old and hurt his feelings? If you live in the south and/or all your friends and family were/are greek, they might never accept him or agree with your choice. BUT do you really want to let them dictate everything you do for the rest of your life? If you are out of college and live somewhere where being greek is not a big deal starting the day after you graduate, why wouldn’t you go for it? I would never tell someone not to date the Ralph Lauren wearing, republican, quiet rich guy. But, the fact that you HAVE to ask tells me you aren’t in to him enough in the first place!

Q: i really like baking for my boy but i'm a lil worried about mine getting fat is that bad?
A: Caring about your health and appearance is never bad. I love baking, but my fratdaddy would never tolerate a fatty and neither would I. I love to bake and we both love to eat, so I worry sometimes about his waist… the best way to combat this is by going on ‘dates’ to the gym together! Some sratstars will tell you to use fat free butter spread or skim milk in your baked goods. THEY ARE WRONG. Using substandard ingredients make your baked goods terrible, the trick is to bake for your man and work it off! OR, have him share with his brother’s…then you win their hearts, too ;)

Q:  I'm studying to be an architect, which in short terms, makes having a social life near-impossible. The workload is so incredible that I cant attend socials or do anything leisurely late at night. (unless its saturday but there are no socials on weekends) Because of this, I havent met any guys out of my 1.5 years in college. I'm not really interested in a MRS, but I at least want to get to know some fraternity gentlemen so that I dont have to skip out of formal/semi-formal/date functions because I dont know anyone. Bottom line, is it possible to meet guys without having to go out late at night? It seems like the only way to meet people is to go out at night, but there has to be some other ways. Sorry for such a lengthy post, but I feel like you're really knowledgeable about these things! Thanks a ton and love the posts!
A: I know most of you think that we are all elementary ed majors and comm students who don’t have anything better to do than post on our blog, but as you can see from the lack of posts, this isn’t true. We have more than one science major, pre-med, pre-law, history, English, etc. We have homework, and papers, and tests to do. As much as I love to craft and drink and bake, I have to make choices. Usually good ones. If you can spare even ONE night out a week, do it wisely. One of the smartest girls I know is one of the most fun. Do you homework. Wake up early if you must, wake up at 7am, do your homework during your breaks (even though you’d rather be napping). Trade Saturday night for Thursday so you can  go to your social. It doesn’t matter what day you go out, if you wanna meet fratties or go to the best parties, pick and choose your battles, you can do it J

Q: Also I would love a small mention in a post about what being "lavaliered" as opposed to being "pinned" means. I know it means different things, obvi, but no one's been able to explain to me what exactly those differences are. And also as a girl who is going to be lavaliered soon, hopefully, do you wear them along with your sorority lavalier? Or do you replace it with his lavalier? Thanks! Axoxo
A: To be lavaliered is to indicate that you two are in a serious, committed relationship. This goes back to the days before it was “fb offish”… you are offish together, but you are not just a girlfriend. Usually/hopefully this leads to being engaged and then, in most sororities, you get a candle passing ceremony! You def wear your lavalier AND his together, and the difference between pinning and lavaliering is slight. You don’t have to be lavaliered, then pinned, then engaged but that’s how they used to do it. Lavaliered is committing to a serious relationship, pinning is saying to that girl that they are AS IMPORTANT AS HIS FRATERNITY. It is the step before engagement and it’s a BIG DEAL. Lavaliering, then pinning, then the Tiffany. Got it?

Q: I was just reading this while online shopping on Vineyard Vines and was wondering what your opinion was on the new VV tote, still acceptable in winter or no?
A: I like a longchamp in the winter but VV is great if it matches!

Q:blackberry or driod??
       A: I am not CNET or Consumer Reports or the guy at Sprint or my daddy, but I have a BBcurve and I adore BBMing with Tease.

Q: Also, what would you say the srattiest brands of cowboy boots are? Never having bought cowboy boots before, I feel like I have an idea of the style and look like I want, but I want to make the sure the brand is right too.
       A: you can never go wrong with Frye boots to be safe. Look for western stores that make their own boots or go to boutiques and find a vintage pair. DO NOT go to macy’s or a chain store, southern belle will be able to tell from a block away that you are a fake, just like your boots.

“I’ve been dating since I was 14, I’m exhausted, WHERE IS HE!?”

…. Probably right under your nose. Or right around the law library stacks.

I always believed in fairytale, princess, and love-at-first-sight. For most of college I was under the impression that if I didn’t walk into the frat party and see someone new and immediately fall in love that it wasn’t going to happen. I am the opposite of Tease, someone who slowly starts to like someone, all the while playing her hilarious (and effective) game. No, I tend to decide within minutes that I will date this SigChi, KA, DX, etc. Not to be uppity, but generally that’s what happened, too. They have gotten me in the strangest ways, too. A bonfide alchy offering a night in with my favorite movie started an interesting summer, wearing the same lacoste polo to a homecoming party started my 2-year-long “Mr. Big” saga, and there are quite a few drunken makeouts at tailgating that turned into boyfriends. All of whom I claimed love at first sight.
            Here we are, at senior year, right before the end of fall semester, and the reason you never got a 2nd ring by spring post (YET! WAIT FOR IT) is because I threw yet another fish back into the sea. I was really reaching this time, and only I failed to see it. When we broke up, my fellow bloggers at Sorostitute Stories said "Um, yeah we knew it wasn't going to work out, but we were going to let you figure it out." thanks guys. But they were right, I had let my judgement be clouded by my romanticism and my quest for the Tiffany's classic setting.
           So, for the umpteenth time over my time as a Sorostitute, I find myself feeling that if we have drank together at an ever changing cast of bars for the past 4 years, if I can name all your hookups this semester as well as your past positions held, or if we have sat in lectures (or skipped) for all of college, I can’t date you. It has to be that love-at-first-sight butterflies. And being a senior (I have to stop admitting my age, woof), that pretty much leaves Freshman, Sophomores and… GDI’s? None of these are acceptable, I never date “down” in age or rank and I haven’t dated a GDI since High School. I relegated myself to Law students and single-town until graduation, and slightly ok with it, at least in front of my sisters.
            Fast Forward a couple of weeks, finals, and a friend from home’s brother starts talking to me via the FB. I usually never let myself talk to boys online as it tends to lead to problems. (one huge exception is the boys at StatusBro and 412_Lax ...because I am waiting for the first to fly to *our city* and propose) But he wasn’t ‘a boy’, he was a family friend! Plus, older brother’s have only existed in my mind before now as ways to annoy your friends. “Can’t wait to marry your brother and be a smith! What a hottie”, etc. We had met when I was in seventh grade when we both had braces and before I discovered pearl studs! This was never love at first sight. He asked me on a date over Winter Break and I accepted, expecting not to hear from him until then.
            Literally days later, a twitter post about an opportunity for next year I am considering (never graduate, ladies) led to an alumni of my high school AND college offering to get drinks and talk about it, as long as I go on a date with him. (Disclaimer: alum of ‘09, not ’79) Then there is A, the boy whom I have everything and nothing in common with that likes to make me brunch, whom somehow hid from me for the entirety of college. Suddenly I had more than one suitor. None of them were begging me to be Mrs. Fratstar, but still. I realized that it doesn’t have to be love at first sight, and it doesn’t have to be a relationship right away, if ever. The ring won’t come by spring if you force it, and especially if you overlook those fratties you think you could never marry. Look behind the stacks in the law library, talk to the poor newly-initiated fratty behind the bar at the exchange, and run into everyone’s hot older brother over Christmas break because you never know who you might find.

I’ll keep you updated on Big Brother, A, and Alumni over break! X’s and O’s,


 I’m not going to date 3 people at once, don’t worry! (I wish I had no morals and could do this because that would make for a great blog series) Real slampieces have class, even if we don’t attend it.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

This post has no point. FINALS

Hello dearest readers,

Just wanted to give everyone much sorostitute luck on their finals this week and next!! (We know you'll do great with the test files at the house).

Also, just because this is incredibly awesome, one of our readers stumbled upon our site by googling:

"my current slampiece is the daughter of my dad's ex-slampiece"

That's all.

Love you lots,

Saturday, December 4, 2010

MRS Degree

Recently, we on the Sorostitute Stories have come under immense criticism and harsh fire for the posts and tweets about getting the coveted MRS degree. Naturally, we let such “haterz” roll off our backs, but the misconceptions and personal attacks are not only unnecessary, but also ignorant. The beauty of our blog, at least in my humble opinion, is that nobody knows if we are truly serious or sarcastically witty. We like to keep it that way.

On our team, we hold seven non-professional writers. Some are students- pre-laws, pre-health care professionals, future educators and nurses. We have girls in the working world making their own living and doing a fantastic job. So, you may be wondering what this MRS degree we keep talking about is.

What it is:

The intention to have a long-term relationship during college (particularly senior year) that (hopefully) ends in a proposal

The intentions of working independently or, ideally, alongside your husband until you shamelessly give up your career to raise children

Cooking, baking, and cleaning to perfection because you ENJOY it

Already picking out baby names with your friends so nobody can steal yours

Planning parties for your hubby’s work friends

Charity. Work.

Sewing, crafting, and having “homemade tricks and fix-its” for the kids

Being equally as proud of your husband as he is of you

What it is NOT:

Blowing off school and acting like a bimbo (Come on, what decent man wants to bring home and wife up a dumb girl with no education and life goals??)

Being a gold digger (puh lease!)

Being a housewife

Being lazy or wasting space


It’s no secret that when sorostitutes have set their mind to something, they will get it. And it is no secret that getting boys to date us and fall in love with us (and fall in love with them back) is part of our charm. Getting an MRS degree, however, is not at all a priority for girls like us. As a matter of fact, getting an MRS is proving harder than getting a degree in biology. Although all the cute pre-meds in the class don’t hurt ;)