Stories for slampieces

Monday, November 22, 2010

Your Srattiest Photo Contest WINNER!

Hey y'all, great job with all the Sratty Photos! We are so blessed to have so many followers on Our Twitter and on the blog! We've been trying to update more but unfortunately every once in a while (read: the end of the semester) we need to do a little homework!

We got a lot of great submissions to the contest, and here are some of our favorites:
Emily and her freinds obviously took Slampiece's advice about Halloween Costumes!

They didn't include their name in their email, but these ladies know how to "study" with class- Diet Coke, Crystal Light, Koozies and Tervis Tumblers! Srat on!

Last, but certainly not least is our WINNER....

Kirsten sporting a Kate Spade iPhone case, baking and a homemade apron! A Sorostitute after our own hearts! However it wins the contest because it proves that she is the Sorostitute in our very favorite picture of all time!

She wins the ability to write a guest post for the Sorostitute Stories blog and some hand-crafted items from the Sorostitute Stories team!

xoxo until next time

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Teasing to Perfection

Recently, we sorostitutes have been under the immense pressure to get the ring by spring. And although this seems like the utmost of importance to Slampiece and SouthernBelle, some of us have a little more time on our hands for matters of men.
I am typing this on my Fratberry avoiding one of the most frightening of times- semiformal. Don't get me wrong, semiformal is a fun event, filled with booze, boys, and bars (everything we deny during recruitment). Alas, semiformal also involves dresses and dates, both of which are frightening...
I met this fratstar a few months back at the local bar. I was stumbling around per usual at 1:00 AM. It was almost bar close and BadHomance was making out with some guy against the pool table. Functional Alchie was of course smoozing fratties at the bar with her gorgeous eyes, perfectly blonde hair, and ability to take shots like they're water. Everything was going great, until HE started talking to me. Knowing his bad reputation on campus and avoiding ripping off his perfectly pressed Burberry button down, I naturally decided to tease him along and let him follow me and buy me drinks. Nothing happened and he went home with a bottom tier trashbag after chasing me out of the bar.
Recently, we have reconnected. I learned that the only chapter he doesn't have a souvenir from is mine. I'm clearly not stupid and fully realized that this fratty wants to bang me and steal a t-shirt with letters on it for his wall of fame. After tricking him in to asking me to my own semi-formal, the plan was made. Make this guy fall in love with me, call him my slampiece to give him some "security" and find out all the dirt on him that I can o I can break his little heart. As some would say "playas gettin' played."
Some followers have asked us to share our tips on flirting. I really can't do that all at once because, being the resident tease, I have accumulated many. However, it is imperative that you find out what type of guy he is. This particular fratstar, let's just call him Slammy from now on, is a go-getter. When he sees an opportunity, he grabs it. Therefore, you MUST PLAY THE GAME RIGHT BACK when it comes to these guys. Never, instigate the conversation first. Make them work for your attention, which is usually okay with these ones since they like to be in control. Make sure you let him know you have other options and plans when he asks you out. Let him know you are the jealous type. It's okay to act bored around them at a bar because he will try to do anything to make you happy (buy you drinks). If you are going to a dance or date party, tell him he looks hot (not cute, not handsome, not good. HOT). Bite your lip, make it look like you can't resist him, move toward him and pull yourself back. This sets off a primal switch in their brain that makes them feel wanted and powerful. Once you see him smile, he's yours for the keeping. Now it's your turn to be one step ahead of him. Do not sleep with him. Do not do anything besides make out with him. "Because you really want to respect yourself and you values." The less attainable you are, the more he will want you.
This is all I had so far on this ongoing drama. I will of course update it as we go on, and he continues to play me "behind my back" and as I forgo the proper etiquette of courtship and tease all the boys on this campus like it's going out of style. I don't need a ring yet, I just need a little debauchery...

xoxo Tease

Friday, November 12, 2010

Ring By Spring- you have 6 months- here's how to do it (step 1)

Slampiece here with some advice for you on getting that "Ring by Spring". I'm not saying I have one or will (or even want to) but I know many a senior (and more than a few wily juniors) who are sick of the run around and want the top fratdaddy to be theirs- fb offic and all. Being the resident serial dater, as well as an upperclasswoman, I have amassed a few tricks over the years to help you! This encompasses all areas of being a Sorostitute and will help you with everything- not just finding Mr. Right.
Baking- we say it time and time again, but baking and cooking for frats is really the easiest way into their hearts. Here are a few of my favorite recipes that are sure to win his heart through his stomach. Bringing bakedgoods is a great first impression or icebreaker for the fratdaddy you know, but have nothing to talk about with.
Slampiece's Secret Weapon Cookies
Preheat oven to 350 degrees
  • 1 1/3 cup all purpose or baking flour
  • 1 teaspoon baking powder
  • 1 teaspoon baking soda
  • 1/4 teaspoon salt
  • 1 cup cooking oats (Quaker Oats in a can recommended)
  • 1 cup m&ms in your fratdaddy's colors
  • 1 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips
  • 1/2 cup brown sugar, packed
  • 1/2 cup white sugar
  • 1 fairly beaten egg
  • 1/2 cup butter (melted in the microwave)
  • 1 teaspoon vanilla

Mix the dry ingredients together in a large mixing bowl, making sure they are thoroughly mixed up. Then add wet ingredients, mixing with large spoon. You will probably want to use your hands to mix it when it starts to get hard to mix with a spoon. 
Roll dough into 1/2 inch balls and place on cookie sheet appoximately 1 inch apart. Bake at 350 degrees for 8-10 minutes,  put on crystal platter and run them down (warm) to your favorite frat. 
Spicy Hot Chocolate
Finals are around the corner, as is cold weather. Invite your prey (I mean future husband) over for a movie, hot chocolate and snacks as a study break. Tell him your grandma makes the best spicy hot chocolate and you want to make it for him since its so cold out. 
  • 2 cups milk
  • 4 ounces bittersweet chocolate or 4 ounces semisweet chocolate
  • 1/2 teaspoon instant coffee powder
  • 1/8 teaspoon ground nutmeg 

Put all ingredients into saucepan, heat over low setting until chocolate is fully melted. Increase temperature slightly until a boil starts. Remove from heat and whisk for 30 seconds. Return to heat until boiling point and repeat twice. Serve with a dash of cinnamon on top :)
Formals/Date Parties/Semi-Formals
Hopefully one of your chapters still has at least one of these on the books for the semester. The best way to see if you can stand being a couple is the test of a formal. Can you pose for a million pictures together without biting off his head? Can he stand you when you are blackout? Can he dance? Are his freinds awkward around you or do they accept you into the group and vice versa.
First off you have to ask him. It's great if you get the go-ahead from a sister or his brother, but try to do the actual asking yourself. Better yet, con him into asking you
Text/BBMing/Facebook chat is acceptable, however make sure that it is prior to 1am when you do the asking, also confirm by text as soon as possible the next day (after chatting banally about something else first, do not look desperate). If for some reason he declines next day, pretend you were drunk and/or it was one of your sisters. Sorostitutes do not get rejected.
If you have your eye on a date, have your freinds bring all his freinds. This is the easiest way to get a fratdaddy comfortable. Hopefully this doesn't backfire- they could end up ignoring you and pounding shots by themselves all night (should I do a post about last year's formal????)
Hopefully you have a great table, you have fabulous pictures in the slideshow, you take home his tie/bowtie and he takes you home and the relationship is set into motion.

Working out
Personally, I don't do this. I do a little flag-football every once and again for the benefit of the fratdaddy I am impressing but I try not to sully my nike shorts by sweating or engaging in too much activity. 
HOWEVER I realize that many better Sorostitutes than me go to the gym, run around the ocean/lake/fratrow and generally work out more than once a month. This can be an excellent way to get into your fratdaddy's heart. Most girls do anything they can to not have a fratdaddy see them when they are sweaty or working out but that is where you will have the advantage. 
Start a conversation about how you want to do more than just use the elliptical but you don't know how to use the machines (even though you do). 9 times out of 10 this leads to a gym date where he spots you and you look like a super fit, fun girl. 
Make sure your run takes you past his house. Twice. At times he's likely to be coming or going. I'm not going to explain to you how cute you will look jogging by with your iphone or ipod touch in lettered tee's and nike shorts. 
Hopefully this has given you some ideas for how to snag the best fratdaddy you can. If you guys like it, I'll continue the series and if not, too bad I may anyhow ;) (I've had a few cocktails)
XOXOX Slampiece

ps tell me what you want to hear more of next time- part 2 of Ring By Spring

Monday, November 8, 2010

Sorostitute Stories Contest- Your Srattiest Photo

Since we have (thanks to all of you!) over 1000 followers on Twitter as of my check this morning, we are announcing our first ever contest as a thank you!

You will have 2 weeks- until Monday, November 22nd to submit your srattiest photo to us! We want a pic of you at your absolute frattiest, being the best sorostitute you can be! Be creative and have fun!

2 ways to win:
Email submissions:
Send Twitpics on Twitter to: @sorostitutes

The winner of our contest will be able to write a GUEST BLOG post on the site, as well as receive a carefully made picture frame for your winning photo crafted by the Sorostitutes team! (Southern Belle will probably puff-paint you a koozie as well) 

Also- some of our absolute favorite bloggers, the LAX Bro's, have interviewed us for their site! Check it out: 

LYLAS's- Get snapping and sending pics! 

xoxo slampiece

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Personal Opinion on Greek Class Structure...AKA bottom tier=GDI

I was reading our comments just now when I came across another Sorostitute (below) who is bored in class as I am. She is basically asking if being in a bottom tier sorority is like being a GDI...or if you are, in fact, better off as a GDI if you are in one of these houses. Here is her Q and my personal opinion below!

Anonymous said...
A question to ponder while you're bored in class...
we all know that there are levels - good houses, medium houses, baaad houses. Clearly its best to be in a good house, better to be in a medium than none at all BUT
which is better, being in the worst house on campus (the ugly/socially awkward/really just sad girls) or a GDI? And by better, I mean which position is most likely to allow you a) to have some fun b) to find a man and c) to be the least pathetic
I know what I think, but what do 'yall think???

Slampiece Thinks:
Being greek is not just about being popular, It helps to be in one of the best (if not THE best) houses on campus, as we Sorostitutes are, but being greek is about making friends for life, helping others and having a raging good time doing it. Even the socially awkward weirdo houses have frats just like them, and they can socialize and date in those confines. Being a GDI means you will be friends with just anyone, don't care as much about your future and have no goals. When we send girls through recruitment we can usually clearly see which girls will end up where, but what we tell them is true- you WILL end up where you belong. You wouldn't want to be in a top tier house if you were totally a weirdo misfit, you would hate it and never get out of it what others would. Conversely, if you are a nice girl with a good background and good social skills but you are certainly not outstanding in anyway, you will end up in a medium house and chances are you will have the time of your life and not pay too much attention to the fact that everyone else thinks you are mediocre. 

That being said there is nothing like winning every award your entire four years in the chapter, nothing like having fratdaddies clamor to come to your events because they are "THE BEST", nothing like having parties and events every weekend. We all know our freinds at TFM think that if you aren't in the top 1 or 2 houses you might as well just go buy a hackysac and some cargo shorts and become a GDI. BUT the greek system doesn't work if you only have a few houses, those are lame schools in the middle of the country where being greek means absolutely nothing. True thriving greek systems need all the tiers, and if all the girls who got bids at crappy houses fled, then the whole thing folds. 

As tolerant as I may seem, I do really hate when the really lame lower tier fratties I know post TFM's on their facebook, or when lower tier sorostitutes call them selves slampieces. 

THAT, my sisters, is a title you have to earn ;)

I'd rather be tailgating

I'd really rather be painting a cooler or tailgating right now, napping, shopping, crafting or doing really anything else. Alas every once in a while you need to take a trip to the test library and brush up on some class work. For those of you currently also procrastinating on your adorable little Macbook Pro's, here is some Thursday afternoon reading:

Hilarious Haters:
Mason-Dixon War- Sorority Style (Sorostitutes love both South and Northern Sisters xo)
Sorority Girl Problems

Caffeine and Cocktails's mention of us:

You SHOULD coordinate your clothes. You SHOULD make him work for it. You SHOULD make sure that you have a "mom" in your group of friends. You SHOULD NEVER cry whilst drunk.
In Defense of Sorostitutes
Sorority Manifesto- Excerpt:
I am a nice girl. I am the kind of girl you hope you will bring home to Thanksgiving dinner. I care about the elementary education of third world countries, I care about the op-ed in the Sunday New York Times, and my main goal in life is to have an engagement ring bigger than that of any girl I knew in high school.
xoxoxoxo Slampiece

 PS: you already read our loves over at Status Bro'sTFM (or as we like to call it, TSM), and  lax bro's, right? Well, get on that.

PPS: If you are anybody (and even if you are nobody), you should be on twitter. Go visit our Twitter to get hilarious and true Sorostitute Stories in 140 characters or less! 

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

1st Ever Sorostitute Contest

Every true Sorostitute knows you can't get something for nothing, so our first ever Sorostitute Stories Contest will be starting as soon as we have 1,000 followers on twitter! The contest will be cute and funny, and all our readers and followers will be able partake in enjoying all submissions. The contest will be announced when we get to 1000 followers and as of this moment, we have 720 followers, so get RTing and following, loves! 

Follow the Sisters here:!/Sorostitutes

Oh! I forgot to add that the prize will be in true Sorostitute Story fashion, also announced when we hit 1,000 followers on twitter! 

xoxo stay sratty and frat hard

American Sweethearts

As you know, today is an important election day. As Americans, it is our right and duty to vote for the middle-age upper-class white males that our daddies tell us to vote for, for the sake of our taxes and our rights, of course. Okay, I kid...

In all seriousness, however, it is also important to remind our lovely Sorostitutes that being an American Sweetheart is what we are born and raised to do. NOBODY bakes a peach cobbler as tasty, drives a truck on the ranch as adorably, wears cowgirl hat and boots as precisely, lavishes in Lilly Pulitzer as obsessively, and drives the boys as crazy as WE do. Sorostitutes are the epitome and paradigm of American girls.

Yes, being a Sorostitute means being debaucherous and outrageous, but it also means living up to the ideals of the fraternity and being your absolute best, carrying yourself with the dignity and grace that women before you saw in yourself enough to extend you a bid. We may be "Greek" on the outside, but these values are inherently American.

Ladies and gents, be sure to go out and vote today, and put into actions these values. Besides, you really don't want those GDIs to rule the polls do you? ;)


Monday, November 1, 2010

Our Featured Guide to Bros

Hey y'all,

Welcome to all of our new readers!! We were recently featured on in a BROg post called "A Girl's Guide to Bros." Check it out!

xoxo sorostitutes

The essentials that every sorostitute needs in her closet

One of our loyal followers asked for a post about the essentials for every Sorostitutes closet, so here is a post for Holly on what is in the walk in of our Srat castle.

There are four main components of a Sorostitute's closet: weekday, formal, country club/date/home, and theme.

Weekday- This is your wardrobe for class, running errands and baking 

  • Nike shorts, Frat Tee (stolen from a current or former fratdaddy), sorority tee from date party, rush or greek week, nikes matching your shorts, rainbow flip flops or letter flip flops 
  • Sperry's, Jcrew oversized cardi, and designer jeans of choice (esp if you have an advising meeting)
  • Black Yoga Pants, UGGs and a Northface for winter-don't forget the oversized sunglasses and white v-neck, coastie!

  • For overnight fraternity formals- long, formal dress that no one has worn before and you can make sure that no one will have. Bring lots of matching lingerie and extra jewelery, as well as all your best lily dresses and matching lettered sweats for laying around post hookup/hangover
  • A reader commented asking for new and fresh ideas for her fratdaddy's formal giftbasket (besides cooler, etc). How about matching koozies for the two of you? or matching gameday buttons? anything matchy is right up my alley, however any post-game hangover remedies are always appreciated 
Home/Country Club

  • When in doubt, think of that poor, martyred pi phi rush chair who sent out that absolute BIBLE of an email to her chapter. (I won't link because if you haven't read it you are a GDI who hasn't had internet access in 18 months) 
  • Tory flats, Jack Rogers, Sundresses in summer and cashmere in fall. Think Jcrew, Vinyard Vines, Polo tennis dresses, lacoste and Sperry's for the yacht (or all the time, right Southern Belle?)
  • Family Time is NEVER wasted- Match your purse to Mommy Dearest and you are sure to get an extra allowance next month in the bank acct, wear the Yurman or Tiffany studs your Gram gave you for your birthday and expect another well-earned present for thanksgiving! 
  • Sample- Home for a long weekend in Fall: 
    • Friday- "traveling" outfit- belted oversized cashmere sweater, Tory flats and dark skinnys with an oversized longchamp. 
    • Saturday at the hunting house waiting for daddy and fratdaddy- Patagonia, Jcrew cords, uggs and a matching VV headband
    • Sunday brunch- lilly dress with shrug, Jack Rodgers flats (or sandals if you live below the Mason-Dixon)
Theme Party Wardrobe

  • Theme parties are my absolute favorite. I would turn down the governors ball for a good theme party. ABC, toga, neon, The Letter _, anything except redneck/GDI themed parties and I am there. Over my years in the Srat, I have amassed a great collection of random costumes- and I suggest you and your girls start immediately.
    • Neon American Apparel Leggings in at least 3 colors
    • oversized vnecks and tights in matching colors
    • Glitter
    • Ties- not ugly rejects 
    • Cute RLPolo patterened twin sheets in matching themes (toga) 
    • Caution Tape (ABC)
    • Old Prom Dresses and Formal Dresses
    • Pirate hat, sailor hat, nurse hat, trucker hat, cowboy hat
    • Do you know how to make a tshirt dress with an xxl tee?
    • colored hair spray
    • flesh colored leotard
    • cat ears, devil horns, halo and wings
    • boarding school/prep school/catholic school uniform 
    • cute wedding-looking dress
    • golf clothes 
    • trashy club clothes (eurotrash)
    • beret (tour de franzia)
    • Ugly Christmas Sweater
    • Any holiday themed Claire's headband, bows, etc
Here are the basics of a Sratty wardrobe, as compiled by Slampiece during a boring lecture. Comment with suggestions, things I missed, etc .