Costume Confessions

I’m not proud of what I am about to say. I just want to precede this by the fact that my friends made me do this and I can’t help that I am genetically predisposed to be short. I am going to be Snooki for Halloween this year. I know, I should have warned you, and I know this is seriously offensive to anyone in Greek life. I just couldn’t resist trying to see what being a drunken GDI was like. Mind you, I know it will probably feel the same and being a sloshed sorostitutes, but that is beside the point.

I am staring at my costume right now. The glittery sunglasses are nearly blinding. The cheap polyester dress makes my skin cry. And don’t even get me started on the jewelry—never have I been so ashamed to wear a cross necklace (sorry, Jesus).

I just needed to blog out my feelings. I fully anticipate to not “get it in” or “smush” any respectable fratstar tonight. As a matter of fact I have taken a vow to go home alone.

I am asking you, my Greek brothers and sisters, those who are also going to experience this GuiDI, GDI, whatever the hell you want to call it thing this Halloween to keep each other in our thoughts. We may need all the help we can get... well actually we don’t need THAT much help, I mean we are still fratastic. So, stay safe, stay frat, and don’t compromise your dignity too much this holiday!!

Xoxo Tease

Halloween- a Debaucherous Guide for Sorostitutes

Halloween is just around the corner, and you know what that means! Every Sratter’s favorite holiday (no, not Christmas, you should be getting presents all the time) AND the most stressful. What will you be? What frat party are you gracing with your presence? What bar will you be weaving your way to after said party?

Here is a helpful guide to lessen the stress on this most debaucherous of occasions:

Freshman and Sophomores:

            Group costumes of 3 or more are acceptable at this age. The sluttier you are, the better your chances of being picked out of a group, because lets face it, when there are 12 of your pledge class all dressed as Natty Ice cans, you are all going to look exactly the same to drunk Fratdaddies, so you must make yourself stand out. It is unacceptable to wear a group costume someone in your sorority or another top tier sorority did last year, possibly even the year before depending on how catty your school is (ask the older girls). Better than 20 people wearing the exact same thing is doing a theme. You all dress as a theme but have different costumes. Makes for adorable pics.

            Also at this stage of your sorority career you can wear one of those cheap store bought sexy costumes that make you look like you walked out of the closet of a stripper. After sophomore year its so déclassé and also makes you look desperate. I am not innocent here, I have MANY of these bar maid, little bo-peep and slutty cop outfits in my closet.

Juniors and Seniors:

            Do group costumes if you must, but only with up to 3 of your closest sisters. AT this age you are required at least one frat lap for your younger girls sake as well as to nab your frat daddy for the evening.

            Since you are socially obligated to go out Thursday, Friday and Saturday this Halloween, you need at least 3 costumes. I have four- one outfit change where my hair and makeup can stay the same for frat party AND the bar. For seniors, this is pretty much the last time you can dress outrageously, because let’s face it, once you get your MRS you are expected to act like one.

            Costumes at this age must be sexy but not too showy- as upperclasswomen you need to set a classy example for your younger girls. Always show what god and the doctor gave you but ALL of it. Clever costumes are great for junior and senior year, including current events and pop culture. Make sure what you are dressing up as is relevant to pop culture and will still be funny or cute in 2 years.

            Honestly the best costume at this age is a couples costume with your frat daddy. Nothing says “He’s mine, he does what I want, and I’ll have a ring by spring” than pebbles and bam-bam or a key and a lock!

Don’t stress, don’t let anyone but your older Sorostitutes tell you what to be, don’t costumes repeat, stay at your school (or you’ll miss out on the rest of the semester’s gossip), don’t drink fourloko and have fun ;)

*Halloween Profile pictures, no matter how hot, have an expiration date. Let’s say 2 weeks, give or take what other events you have coming up after the holiday.

           

Be classy, stay Sratty, and don’t do anything I wouldn’t admit to doing!

Caught In a Bad Ho-Mance

When joining a sorority, not only do you bind yourself to a lifetime of sisterhood, but once you’ve become initiated, you finally earned the ultimate title of a Sorostitute. It’s every girl’s dream since childhood, growing up and trying on your mother’s heels and pearls. Once officially in the chapter you gain dozens upon dozens of sisters, and then there are particular ones you really get close with. They become your best friends; the kind who bring out the best in you and can’t live without. They’re like adderall, you need them in your life to survive college. They are your soul mates. The ones who will stand up at your wedding.

Now it came across my attention that I couldn’t put a label on this relationship. There is a label for mostly all relationships that comes to mind, but this intense kind of friendship is lacking such. So I brought it upon myself to discover what this exclusive label should be. After several glasses of wine, I began my approach. I thought of numerous possibilities such as girlfriends – sounds like the perfect label for GDIs, girl-on-girl – trashy, porno, not classy enough for our standards, and girl-mates – that just sounds dumb. This was harder than I expected (that’s what she said).

I felt like I needed to dig deeper, so I decided to pour another glass of wine and really submerge myself into this challenge. It hit me, the buzz yes, but also a light bulb went off in my head. I need to think WWBD. What Would Bros Do? That’s it! I need to explore all that encompasses none other than a BROMANCE. The term bromance describes the unconditional love between two or more straight men. Bros do everything together. They shop, eat, and drink. They give you their honest opinions if the color your polo doesn’t coordinate with the color Sperry’s you have on. They’re your wingman who helps you hand out one-way tickets to the pound town express when out looking for slampieces. Sorostitutes pretty much do the same just in the opposite form.

So you may be wondering where in all of my explorations I found the perfect sorostitute label on best friends. While I was breaking down the structure of a bromance, coincidentally the mind-blowing song, Bad Romance, by Lady GaGa began to play. By this point I consumed an entire bottle of wine, but I believe it only helped me solve the answer to my dilemma. The song is just too infectious, you can’t help but sing every lyric. The chorus came about, and it was like an epiphany

Oh, caught in a bad romance.
Oh, caught in a bad bromance.
Oh, caught in a bad HO-mance!

It all just happened. It was unexpected. A Ho-mance is what I shall call it. Therefore, a ho-mance describes the unconditional love between two or more straight women; Sorostitutes to be more specific. They do everything together. They shop, skip meals, and drink together. They will save you from any fratdaddy unworthy of your time. They jump on grenades for you. They’re the ones who will be there at the end of the night to hold your hair back while praying to the porcelain Jesus. They will encourage you to make good decisions, and watch your belligerent self make bad ones. They will pick you up in the morning from a fraternity house you spent the night shacking up in with some fratdaddy just so you won’t have to do the walk of shame. Most importantly they will always be there for you no matter what.

So cheers to white wine and bros all across the nation, and a very special thanks to Lady GaGa.

Profile Pictures

When a female ONLY takes pics from her boobs up...chances are,she's fat. Another very good point brought up by one of our twitter followers.

In most cases this statement holds true. Though lets be honest you should be able to honestly tell if she's that fat by her facial structure, I mean you can't have a skinny a face and be huge its just not physically possible.

A profile picture says a lot about you. It is the first way someone judges you thus it must be a valid representation of you. So how do you go about choosing a proper picture.

1. Hair and make up are perfect.

2. Outfit is flattering.

3. Pose is flattering. I suggest a nice sorority squat or arm on hip shoulder tilt. And make sure the head is tilted slightly with the chin slightly raised for the most flattering lighting on ones chin reducing the appearance of a double chin which can happen to even the skinniest girl.

Some fun pictures that I suggest using:

* The picture everyone takes for their mom to show how hot they looked at formal

* The adorable pic you and your fratdaddy took at formal, Greek Week, the tailgate...anything to show that he's yours.

*Bid day pics with your pledge class besties

* If you get a little she deserves at least a week of prof pic sharing after reveal...unless one of you does not look presentable in the pic.

* Cute pic from the theme exchange that you went to last weekend.

* Pic of you and your bestie to honor her on her birthday.

* Post 21st birthday pic of tallies, but only for a short period of time.

Always remember to keep it classy in a prof pic. Excessive partying in a prof pic looks like a GDI that uses a profile picture to prove that they have fun.

One must remember again that this is our first judgement. And if you're a girl thinking of rushing...none of these apply to you. You must always keep a perfectly polished picture of yourself up until receiving your bid. These include graduation pictures, debutante ball pictures, prom pictures, or anything that you put hours into your presentation with and thus look flawless.

Turning 21: Legal binge drinking

This post will be short and sweet – just like our favorite little Tease. It’s a milestone in the life of a sorostitute when she can pass down her fake ID and proudly show her own ID to the bouncer (who has been letting her in since freshman year) boasting her eligibility to become a member of the 21 Club.

Our débutante ball was a glamorous and memorable event of our youth. It was exciting to turn 18, so we could legally hook-up/date older sirs. It was thrilling to go through recruitment and find our rightful place in the Greek system. We’ll never forget our first fratdaddy – he’ll always have a special place on our “checklist”. However, turning 21 is an experience like no other.

With bars and booze comes more fratdaddies, drunken drama, and nights you’ll never remember. It will be the time of your life with your sorostitutes by your side.

Love you, Tease. Happy 21^st Birthday!

Using Fake IDs

Sorostitutes love going to bars and, more importantly, getting into bars underage. It is almost like a little game we play when suffering the under-21 curse. As the resident underager on the blogging team, I feel like it is my duty to share my wisdom and knowledge about the great fake ID.

The first step to using a fake ID is to obtain one. I know this is self-explanatory, but alas it needs to be said. There are a few ways to get a fake ID: borrowing, buying, and stealing. If you are a sophomore, borrowing a friend’s fake ID is usually the best way to go. Since you are very close to the coveted 21 club and have little to gain from actually buying one, I would highly recommend this route. Simply plan your weekends around who is not going out and ask to use their ID. If she is 21, ask to borrow her old fake until your birthday and then she can sell it off or give to the next sorostitute. If you are a freshie, I would recommend buying a fake ID. They come from many places in all states and sizes. NEVER buy one before you check out the work. Make sure it scans, blacklights, and has a decent hologram. The last option is only for the privileged girls who are friends with the bouncers at the bar. Simply ask them to take away an ID that looks like you. Keep in mind, you must be really good friends with the guy at the door for this to work out.

Now that you acquired an ID… how do you use it and where? This is where the bonds of sisterhood come in handy. Ask the older, wiser, and prettier girls where that piece of cardboard wrapped in laminate will work. Chances are they have been to every bar in the county and know which bouncers are cool and which are hard-asses. Always roll in with at least 3 girls who are actually 21. They must position themselves first, second, and last in the line to walk in (Functional Alc, Southern Belle, Me, Slampiece.) It is imperative that this happens because you must establish legality in all ways possible. Once you’re in for the first time, and you anticipate returning as a regular, make friends with the bouncer immediately. Compliments, shotsshotsshots, and generally friendly interactions are great ways to establish your new kinship.

Additionally, try to get as many forms of the ID as possible. One time when walking in alone (strike one) the normally friendly bouncer asked me for THREE forms of identification. Luckily I had a driver's license, a school ID, and an old health insurance card. A school ID is great backup, but I have never been questioned after presenting an old health insurance card. Think about it, do you know how to read an insurance card? NO! And neither does the bouncer!! It’s nearly one of the best-kept secrets and since they expire so quickly, people are willing to give you them when borrowing an ID. Moreover, when asked for a second form (which only happens when you break the mandatory choreographed entrance line) make sure you play it cool, like you have never been carded before. If you put up a fight and simply don’t have one you can ruin your chances of getting into that bar again, or get your ID taken away. So, rummage through your purse and act like your second forms of ID, your cash, and your camera have mysteriously disappeared!!! Take your ID back and frantically start “calling your friend who you were just with” to “see if your stuff is at their house.” Then go home. If you get your ID taken away, ask your fellow sorostitute who is best friends with that bouncer, or the one who is the sluttiest, to work on getting it back. After all, what are sisters for?

Nothing compares to the thrill of using your fake ID!! It is every sorostitute’s right of passage to use and abuse the crap out of those, well, pieces of crap. In a few short days, I will be turning over my fake ID to another underage sorostitute who will care for it like I did. The feeling is bittersweet, but joining the ranks of the legal drinkers is a dream I have long desired and practiced for. Cheers to some of the best days of my life as an underager rager!

XOXO Tease

PS leave in the comments or TWEET me @sorostitutes some drinks I should try on my big 2-1!!

Ghosts of boyfriends past

been visited by multiple ghosts of exes past in the recent weeks. Sign i've been too much of a relationship scrooge recently?

A tweet by one of our followers that made me think about how much I love these moments...again I hope you realize I'm kidding. You sit and ask yourself my is my subconscience bringing these moments back to me. Like yesterday I had a dream about my ex-fratdaddy's fraternity. I never really ever dreamed about them in the past because though he and I dated, my heart really belonged to another group of fratdaddies. I then realized that I've had several dreams that the ex's have popped up in and then with further thinking realized that several men of my past have popped back into my life.

So why do men decide they need to pop back into our lives? Here are a few of my experiences...

1. There exists the very odd occassion of actually wanting to be friends. In this case the relationship was actually one of those movie/tv like break-ups inwhich you realized you're meant to be friends. I personally don't entirely believe that this is a real event, but I've heard about it. So after the proper amount of we're awkward around each other time you can once again enter each other's lives.

2. Then there's the "hasn't gotten any action as good as you since your break-up" or worse "he hasn't gotten any at all". In this instance said sir is gonna try and weasle his way back into your life to get another drunken hook-up because he knows you're not dumb enough to do anything sober. This is normally seen through comments that are asking what you're up to, or haven't seen you out in a while. He tries to be friendly, but you can tell her's reaching.

3. He's that old hook-up that you never actually committed to. He's back either to hook-up again for the good time, or he's back to try and get you to commit again. If we wouldn't commit the first time and have spent time apart odds are we won't wanna commit again. If the hook-up was fun why not give it another whirl. Who doesn't love a good hook-up?

4. One of my favorite reasons a guy comes back is he has moved on to another girl...and "she's perfect", "everything he could hope for in a girl". He's now back to shove it in your face. This is where you love your sisters because they come in to tell you that you're so much prettier than her, that she's a down grade, and that you can do so much better than him. I mean of course we've moved on too, but if not this is where you pull your best fratdaddy guy friend (a life must have) to pretend to be your new beau that you're pursuing...if he knows the fratdaddy friend use one of BFDF's (best fratdaddy friend) friends as a cover.

4a. He's coming back into your life because he has recently become acquainted with one of your sisters and is interested in her. In this instance he is asking your approval...not that he really cares but just so he doesn't end up with about 20 beers on his head the next time he's out. Because we know as girls that the first girl always gets the sympathy, the second girl is a bitch, and hell hath no fury like a sorority girl towards a guy that has screwed over her friend.

5. He hears you have found a new fratdaddy so he decides he needs to scope out the new sir and voice his opinions. I personally take this as a compliment; it means he's still not over you and that you still have around your little finger.

6. And finally probably the most amusing...his fraternity is doing a philanthropy event and he needs to buy a ticket or show up and support them. So he's gonna play like a sorority girl and put on that fake smile to get you to support him so he doesn't look bad infront of the bros.

Profile pictures

When a female ONLY takes pics from her boobs up...chances are,she's fat. Another very good point brought up by one of our twitter followers.

In most cases this statement holds true. Though lets be honest you should be able to honestly tell if she's that fat by her facial structure, I mean you can't have a skinny a face and be huge its just not physically possible.

A profile picture says a lot about you. It is the first way someone judges you thus it must be a valid representation of you. So how do you go about choosing a proper picture.

1. Hair and make up are perfect.

2. Outfit is flattering.

3. Pose is flattering. I suggest a nice sorority squat or arm on hip shoulder tilt. And make sure the head is tilted slightly with the chin slightly raised for the most flattering lighting on ones chin reducing the appearance of a double chin which can happen to even the skinniest girl.

Some fun pictures that I suggest using:

* The picture everyone takes for their mom to show how hot they looked at formal

* The adorable pic you and your fratdaddy took at formal, Greek Week, the tailgate...anything to show that he's yours.

*Bid day pics with your pledge class bestie

* If you get a little she deserves at least a week of prof pic sharing after reveal...unless one of you does not look presentable in the pic.

* Cute pic from the theme exchange that you went to last weekend.

* Pic of you and your bestie to honor her on her birthday.

* Post 21st birthday pic of tallies, but only for a short period of time.

Always remember to keep it classy in a prof pic. Excessive partying in a prof pic looks like a GDI that uses a profile picture to prove that they have fun.

One must remember again that this is our first judgement. And if you're a girl thinking of rushing...none of these apply to you. You must always keep a perfectly polished picture of yourself up until receiving your bid. These include graduation pictures, debutante ball pictures, prom pictures, or anything that you put hours into your presentation with and thus look flawless.