Stories for slampieces

Saturday, October 9, 2010

Using Fake IDs

Sorostitutes love going to bars and, more importantly, getting into bars underage. It is almost like a little game we play when suffering the under-21 curse. As the resident underager on the blogging team, I feel like it is my duty to share my wisdom and knowledge about the great fake ID.

The first step to using a fake ID is to obtain one. I know this is self-explanatory, but alas it needs to be said. There are a few ways to get a fake ID: borrowing, buying, and stealing. If you are a sophomore, borrowing a friend’s fake ID is usually the best way to go. Since you are very close to the coveted 21 club and have little to gain from actually buying one, I would highly recommend this route. Simply plan your weekends around who is not going out and ask to use their ID. If she is 21, ask to borrow her old fake until your birthday and then she can sell it off or give to the next sorostitute. If you are a freshie, I would recommend buying a fake ID. They come from many places in all states and sizes. NEVER buy one before you check out the work. Make sure it scans, blacklights, and has a decent hologram. The last option is only for the privileged girls who are friends with the bouncers at the bar. Simply ask them to take away an ID that looks like you. Keep in mind, you must be really good friends with the guy at the door for this to work out.

Now that you acquired an ID… how do you use it and where? This is where the bonds of sisterhood come in handy. Ask the older, wiser, and prettier girls where that piece of cardboard wrapped in laminate will work. Chances are they have been to every bar in the county and know which bouncers are cool and which are hard-asses. Always roll in with at least 3 girls who are actually 21. They must position themselves first, second, and last in the line to walk in (Functional Alc, Southern Belle, Me, Slampiece.) It is imperative that this happens because you must establish legality in all ways possible. Once you’re in for the first time, and you anticipate returning as a regular, make friends with the bouncer immediately. Compliments, shotsshotsshots, and generally friendly interactions are great ways to establish your new kinship.

Additionally, try to get as many forms of the ID as possible. One time when walking in alone (strike one) the normally friendly bouncer asked me for THREE forms of identification. Luckily I had a driver's license, a school ID, and an old health insurance card. A school ID is great backup, but I have never been questioned after presenting an old health insurance card. Think about it, do you know how to read an insurance card? NO! And neither does the bouncer!! It’s nearly one of the best-kept secrets and since they expire so quickly, people are willing to give you them when borrowing an ID. Moreover, when asked for a second form (which only happens when you break the mandatory choreographed entrance line) make sure you play it cool, like you have never been carded before. If you put up a fight and simply don’t have one you can ruin your chances of getting into that bar again, or get your ID taken away. So, rummage through your purse and act like your second forms of ID, your cash, and your camera have mysteriously disappeared!!! Take your ID back and frantically start “calling your friend who you were just with” to “see if your stuff is at their house.” Then go home. If you get your ID taken away, ask your fellow sorostitute who is best friends with that bouncer, or the one who is the sluttiest, to work on getting it back. After all, what are sisters for?

Nothing compares to the thrill of using your fake ID!! It is every sorostitute’s right of passage to use and abuse the crap out of those, well, pieces of crap. In a few short days, I will be turning over my fake ID to another underage sorostitute who will care for it like I did. The feeling is bittersweet, but joining the ranks of the legal drinkers is a dream I have long desired and practiced for. Cheers to some of the best days of my life as an underager rager!

XOXO Tease

PS leave in the comments or TWEET me @sorostitutes some drinks I should try on my big 2-1!!

1 comment:

  1. I resent being last in line to enter the bar! However I will buy you the slutty drink of your choice when the time comes that you join our ranks. xoxo slampiece