Halloween- a Debaucherous Guide for Sorostitutes

Halloween is just around the corner, and you know what that means! Every Sratter’s favorite holiday (no, not Christmas, you should be getting presents all the time) AND the most stressful. What will you be? What frat party are you gracing with your presence? What bar will you be weaving your way to after said party?

Here is a helpful guide to lessen the stress on this most debaucherous of occasions:

Freshman and Sophomores:

            Group costumes of 3 or more are acceptable at this age. The sluttier you are, the better your chances of being picked out of a group, because lets face it, when there are 12 of your pledge class all dressed as Natty Ice cans, you are all going to look exactly the same to drunk Fratdaddies, so you must make yourself stand out. It is unacceptable to wear a group costume someone in your sorority or another top tier sorority did last year, possibly even the year before depending on how catty your school is (ask the older girls). Better than 20 people wearing the exact same thing is doing a theme. You all dress as a theme but have different costumes. Makes for adorable pics.

            Also at this stage of your sorority career you can wear one of those cheap store bought sexy costumes that make you look like you walked out of the closet of a stripper. After sophomore year its so déclassé and also makes you look desperate. I am not innocent here, I have MANY of these bar maid, little bo-peep and slutty cop outfits in my closet.

Juniors and Seniors:

            Do group costumes if you must, but only with up to 3 of your closest sisters. AT this age you are required at least one frat lap for your younger girls sake as well as to nab your frat daddy for the evening.

            Since you are socially obligated to go out Thursday, Friday and Saturday this Halloween, you need at least 3 costumes. I have four- one outfit change where my hair and makeup can stay the same for frat party AND the bar. For seniors, this is pretty much the last time you can dress outrageously, because let’s face it, once you get your MRS you are expected to act like one.

            Costumes at this age must be sexy but not too showy- as upperclasswomen you need to set a classy example for your younger girls. Always show what god and the doctor gave you but ALL of it. Clever costumes are great for junior and senior year, including current events and pop culture. Make sure what you are dressing up as is relevant to pop culture and will still be funny or cute in 2 years.

            Honestly the best costume at this age is a couples costume with your frat daddy. Nothing says “He’s mine, he does what I want, and I’ll have a ring by spring” than pebbles and bam-bam or a key and a lock!

Don’t stress, don’t let anyone but your older Sorostitutes tell you what to be, don’t costumes repeat, stay at your school (or you’ll miss out on the rest of the semester’s gossip), don’t drink fourloko and have fun ;)

*Halloween Profile pictures, no matter how hot, have an expiration date. Let’s say 2 weeks, give or take what other events you have coming up after the holiday.

           

Be classy, stay Sratty, and don’t do anything I wouldn’t admit to doing!