Stories for slampieces

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Teasing to Perfection

Recently, we sorostitutes have been under the immense pressure to get the ring by spring. And although this seems like the utmost of importance to Slampiece and SouthernBelle, some of us have a little more time on our hands for matters of men.
I am typing this on my Fratberry avoiding one of the most frightening of times- semiformal. Don't get me wrong, semiformal is a fun event, filled with booze, boys, and bars (everything we deny during recruitment). Alas, semiformal also involves dresses and dates, both of which are frightening...
I met this fratstar a few months back at the local bar. I was stumbling around per usual at 1:00 AM. It was almost bar close and BadHomance was making out with some guy against the pool table. Functional Alchie was of course smoozing fratties at the bar with her gorgeous eyes, perfectly blonde hair, and ability to take shots like they're water. Everything was going great, until HE started talking to me. Knowing his bad reputation on campus and avoiding ripping off his perfectly pressed Burberry button down, I naturally decided to tease him along and let him follow me and buy me drinks. Nothing happened and he went home with a bottom tier trashbag after chasing me out of the bar.
Recently, we have reconnected. I learned that the only chapter he doesn't have a souvenir from is mine. I'm clearly not stupid and fully realized that this fratty wants to bang me and steal a t-shirt with letters on it for his wall of fame. After tricking him in to asking me to my own semi-formal, the plan was made. Make this guy fall in love with me, call him my slampiece to give him some "security" and find out all the dirt on him that I can o I can break his little heart. As some would say "playas gettin' played."
Some followers have asked us to share our tips on flirting. I really can't do that all at once because, being the resident tease, I have accumulated many. However, it is imperative that you find out what type of guy he is. This particular fratstar, let's just call him Slammy from now on, is a go-getter. When he sees an opportunity, he grabs it. Therefore, you MUST PLAY THE GAME RIGHT BACK when it comes to these guys. Never, instigate the conversation first. Make them work for your attention, which is usually okay with these ones since they like to be in control. Make sure you let him know you have other options and plans when he asks you out. Let him know you are the jealous type. It's okay to act bored around them at a bar because he will try to do anything to make you happy (buy you drinks). If you are going to a dance or date party, tell him he looks hot (not cute, not handsome, not good. HOT). Bite your lip, make it look like you can't resist him, move toward him and pull yourself back. This sets off a primal switch in their brain that makes them feel wanted and powerful. Once you see him smile, he's yours for the keeping. Now it's your turn to be one step ahead of him. Do not sleep with him. Do not do anything besides make out with him. "Because you really want to respect yourself and you values." The less attainable you are, the more he will want you.
This is all I had so far on this ongoing drama. I will of course update it as we go on, and he continues to play me "behind my back" and as I forgo the proper etiquette of courtship and tease all the boys on this campus like it's going out of style. I don't need a ring yet, I just need a little debauchery...

xoxo Tease

12 comments:

  1. I'm really sorry to say this but that's just sad. You kind of sound like a high schooler.

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  2. Honestly, is this blog serious? I really can't tell.. if its a joke, you're very funny. If it's not, I'm kind of fucking disgusted and thank God that there are WAY more "gdi's" than "slampieces" and "sorostitutes". But I guess either way y'all are completely harmless because you will only go on to be housewives and not really make any influence at all in the world (well other than raising a new generation of asshole children). So go on with your bad selves girls! Get those spring rings!

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  3. soooo wise!!!! i love this blog!! ummm can you maybe do a post with christmas present ideas for our fratdaddies?? i'm trying to be creative this year :)

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  4. I agree with Nov 17 5:49! This is just sad. You're acting like some middle school girl. Please grow up already. Playing these games is just a waste of time and energy. Do something productive, like getting a degree. And by degree, I don't mean your MRS.

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  5. Nicole, this is not wise AT ALL. This is childish. Do yourself a favor and don't play her dumb games.

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  6. post more often pleeeeease. love yalls posts but it needs to be done every other day at LEAST

    PLEASE

    mmmk peace love sorostitutes

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  7. people, if you don't like the blog, don't read it! no need to hate!
    -post grad srat

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  8. Hahahah! I stumbled upon this! It reminds me of my own sorostitute days at FSU!

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  9. oh yes yes yes!! please post a blog on christmas/birthday presents! my fratdaddies birthday is only two weeks before christmas and i'm so stressed about what to get him!!
    xoxo

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  10. Srat Star in TrainingNovember 29, 2010 at 3:44 AM

    Could you possibly explain how you tricked him into asking you?

    And ignore the haters - there's nothing wrong with an MRS. Someone has to educate the future frat/sratstars!

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