Stories for slampieces

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

American Sweethearts

As you know, today is an important election day. As Americans, it is our right and duty to vote for the middle-age upper-class white males that our daddies tell us to vote for, for the sake of our taxes and our rights, of course. Okay, I kid...

In all seriousness, however, it is also important to remind our lovely Sorostitutes that being an American Sweetheart is what we are born and raised to do. NOBODY bakes a peach cobbler as tasty, drives a truck on the ranch as adorably, wears cowgirl hat and boots as precisely, lavishes in Lilly Pulitzer as obsessively, and drives the boys as crazy as WE do. Sorostitutes are the epitome and paradigm of American girls.

Yes, being a Sorostitute means being debaucherous and outrageous, but it also means living up to the ideals of the fraternity and being your absolute best, carrying yourself with the dignity and grace that women before you saw in yourself enough to extend you a bid. We may be "Greek" on the outside, but these values are inherently American.

Ladies and gents, be sure to go out and vote today, and put into actions these values. Besides, you really don't want those GDIs to rule the polls do you? ;)



  1. Beautifully said... I am proud to be an American Sweetheart!

  2. Cowboy boots are GDI. Sorry, but when the girls who went to the public school in my hometown start wearing something, I usually stop.