Being a Label Whore

At the expense of sounding a little Breakfast Club, every group of friends has their girl who fits a certain label. Likewise, every clan of sorostitutes has theirs as well: the slampiece, the tease, the mom, the virgin, the alcoholic, etc. Some have multiples of each while others tell the mom to scram if she becomes annoying. Group dynamics depend on this label-whoring for the sole purpose of looking out for each other. More importantly, it gives us a sense of purpose in our social lives, and if all works perfectly allows you to walk over any group of bitches that tries to out-drink, out-bitch, and out-sex you. By taking our labels seriously, not only do my sorostitutes run this place, but we also do it with grace and class.

Being the tease is by far one of the most entertaining and risky jobs in the group. Not only does it put you at risk for false rumors about being the slut but it can also put off future dating prospects, particularly frat boyz. Kiss one of these babies and 60 men know within twelve hours. Make it good and you can walk all over the hotties, make it bad and sorostitution reign is over. That is where the art of the text message comes into play. Every good tease knows that guys suck at texting. They just don’t get that one dirty text can get you laid in a heartbeat and that waiting too long between replies means she is already onto the next boy. The teases job is to make sure all texting between parties (different frats or two frat brothers) remains confidential…

Nobody likes to admit to sexting. Confidentiality is key when playing more than one boy, so sexting is by far the way to go. The science is simple: talk dirty, lead them on, threaten to ruin their lives if anyone finds out. Any GDI would flat blank just ask to fuck. Fratties on the other hand like to get you to say it first. Never in a million years would any proper sorostitute give in to the temptation, especially for a first timer. The tease’s job is to help her sisters figure out just how far they can push a guy to the edge before you get to sex their brains out. Gladly, I made some simple rules that usually work:

1. No nude pics (I shouldn’t even have to explain this because it is for GDIs and whores)

2. Never drunk text first (sorostitutes are never desperate because they can have more than one guy at a time)

3. It’s all about the chase (never let him admit he likes you because that gives you permission to chase someone else; always text as though you are pursuing one another)

4. If he didn’t seal the deal by midnight, continue to text him all night—ALONE. (Everyone knows that once a girl says no the guy just texts the next on the list; be sure to take up his time by pretending you will go over to his place after hours but let him know you mean business by turning him down after it’s too late)

5. Keep it classy, keep it sassy. (don’t ever say anything that will haunt you because sometimes fratties talk; but always leave them wanting more)

More on teasing to come, bitches. As always XOXO