Avoiding the Awkward Slampiece

So you did the unthinkable? You hooked up with a GDI, a good friend, or a random, and now you have to see him walking around and going to class (when you actually attend). How must a good tease avoid such interactions while maintaining her reputation on campus?

Unfortunately, I have drunkenly dabbled in GDIs more then once. I seem not only to lose my balance, my phone, and shoes when I drink, but I also lose my standards. As if having to live with your poor life decisions isn’t bad enough, now your sisters are going to find out. You may never live this down. Or it may fade into the makeout oblivion. Here are a few tips I have gathered from my awkward encounters:

· Consider changing your route to class if you run into him. It may seem silly but not having that awkward stare down is worth it.

· Have a class together? Leave it to the head-nod/smile for the first couple weeks (if he initiates the head-nod of course) after the hookup. It will eventually fade into stranger status, which is good.

· If you are with your sisters, in a group, or even with one other girl- make no recognition of his existence.

· At a bar or party, do not be tempted by the sweet confidence brought on by booze. This is dangerous territory because you may want to go up and say hi, or try to make out with him again. Chances are you do not want anyone to know you fell into the deep abyss which is repeating your mistakes, so try and distract yourself with your friends, making friends with the bartender, or an new man—all at arms length.

· If you are friends with the guy, this is very simple. You just pretend nothing ever happened. Deny. Deny. Deny.

· Sunglasses!! BIG BEAUTFUL SHADES= NO EYE CONTACT. Look good and keep your DIGNITY.

It’s nothing to be embarrassed about when you run into the awkward slampiece. As a matter of fact, as long as you pretend it doesn’t bother you, there is really no loss. Needless to say, the BEST way to avoid an awkward slampiece is to make good choices before anything can get awkward. But, who are we kidding, that’s never on the agenda ;)

xoxo

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GAIib-xC5IQ&feature=related

DISCUSS!!!

Sisters are Supportive

Because I wasn't going to admit it myself, so I let Mom do it for me.

Valentine's Day

I have mixed feelings about Valentine's Day. I mean, sure it's a Hallmark holiday characterized by cheap gifts and shizzz but it is a painful reminder that we sometimes forget about love. In a subculture filled with nothing but getting trashed, looking good, and sleeping around, I think we tend to forget about the romance... Okay I can't even take myself seriously when I say that. I did, however, find myself getting a little jealous at the girls who got flowers today, the girls with balloons and cards. All I really wanted was "happy valentine's day" text message. Completely free and totally thoughtful. And if he happened to send flowers I certainly wouldn't send them back. Or chocolates. Or diamonds. But what is it about February 14th that makes me want to get attention when I know that my latest bf/slammy/fratty/flavoroftheweek is into me regardless of the date?

At the time of this post there are 3.5 hours left of vday. I will update as to if my feelings have changed. In the meantime, I hope y'all had a wonderful day being single or taken.

xoxo Tease

Post NYE

I suppose it is time for that after NYE post. And I suppose that you expect that it was a fabulous time of drunken debauchery illustrated by classy parties, chivalrous men, and fine liquor. Well, it wasn’t. As a matter of fact, my NYE was one hot mess. I guess the only place to start is from the beginning:

I arrived at my destination (campus) around 3PM. Ho-mance and I went shopping for last minute outfits at the local mall. It was a madhouse and full of geeds, so we simply had to pick something quickly and get to the important destination- the liquor store. Seeing that she is underage, I sent little Ho-mance to pick up some mixers while I grabbed a bottle of Grey Goose (I mean it was a holiday we needed to be fancy) and 8 bottles of Andre (to negate all class that ensued with the vodka). Surely, it was going to be a rough night.

We threw a fantastic dinner party with the boys and had a spectacular toast. It was time to move to the second party of the evening- the kegger. Nothing out of the ordinary happened besides drunken babble, flirting, party hats, those noisemaker things, beer pong, and pic taking. The third party was a block away and everyone was in the mood to count down the New Year. As girls scrambled around to find their midnight kiss, I sat in the corner with my personal bottle of champagne and guzzled while Ho-mance made out with my good friend. I wasn’t having the random make out tonight because I was being a pretentious bitch.

We moved back to the guys’ house and generally debauchery played out. As we made our way back home, I got a little sad that all my friends were out and about having sex with boyfriends/crushes/one-night-stands and I just wanted to put on my jammies and go to bed. I was spent.

I got a text around 2:36 AM from a guy from my past. And I caved. There is no explanation for why I did. We have been hooking up on and off for the past year and a half, and have sacrificed what used to be a great friendship for effortlessly hooking up. He is THAT exception to the rule. So he came over. He walked in and we quickly said hi as we bolted upstairs to my room. No other words were exchanged before we heavily started making out. Which was all that happened. Really hot, I know. As I faded into a slumber, he went home (apparently he had friends visiting from out of town and left them to be with me).

Between the drunk and the sleeping I managed to take my clothes off to be comfortable. Around 6:30 AM Ho-mance stumbled into my unlocked apartment into my room from her walk of shame. She was “ready for our slumber party!!” I warned her of my nakedness and she passed out without any recognition of my no clothes state. At 9:30 AM I heard the “OH FUCKK WHERE AM I?” coming from my little sister. I told her to shutup and get me a tshirt (she grabbed the Derby Days). We headed to McDonalds to cure our massive headaches and nursed our hangovers all day watching the Bravo network.

So there it was. Drunk, classless, messy, silly. Not necessarily the NYE I imagined, but nonetheless at least I did not blackout? I suppose I couldn't have expected much... after all, I AM a sorostitute.

xoxo Tease

Boots, Boys and Baking- Your questions (finally) answered!

We have all pretty much agreed over here at Sorostitute Stories that we are not going to do a bedroom post. Sorry ladies, but when I joined the chapter and went greek we didn’t have TFM or Sorostitute Stories to tell us what to do. My freshman year I was a mess trying to figure out who I was going to be in college. I can’t tell you how to please your Fratdaddy in the bedroom. I COULD, but I wont. It’s tacky. Relationships take work and are all different and special and blah blah blah. Basically, I’d tell you what to do and you’d do it and he’d freak out and then you all would post negative things. And the GDI’s would get on here and post about how we are all terrible people who are sluts, etc etc.

HOWEVER since I’m done with finals I think its HIGH TIME someone answered some of your more normal questions!

Q: I have a question that only older, more experience sorostitutes could answer. Is it ever acceptable to date a GDI? We are not talking a cargo wearing, tattoo sporting, Obama voting GDI. We are talking a wealthy, private school educated, Ralph Lauren wearing, Republican GDI. He's studying architecture and has applied for a job at my dad's firm. The only reason he's a GDI is because he's quiet and didn't want to have to deal with the social aspect of being a fratstar. I am thinking it's OK because he's successful and rich; plus my father approves. I am just concerned that all of my fellow sratty ladies will disown me or something. Opinions?

A: Depends on where you live, your age, etc. I don’t think I could ever marry a GDI, only because I just don’t think we would ever really understand each other. He would never understand that I spent college with puffpaint, natty, addy and letters while he was studying and….doing whatever it is that GDI’s do? And if you are a reader of this site, you are probably EXTREMELY sratty. You already use the term GDI’s, won’t that get old and hurt his feelings? If you live in the south and/or all your friends and family were/are greek, they might never accept him or agree with your choice. BUT do you really want to let them dictate everything you do for the rest of your life? If you are out of college and live somewhere where being greek is not a big deal starting the day after you graduate, why wouldn’t you go for it? I would never tell someone not to date the Ralph Lauren wearing, republican, quiet rich guy. But, the fact that you HAVE to ask tells me you aren’t in to him enough in the first place!

Q: i really like baking for my boy but i'm a lil worried about mine getting fat is that bad?

A: Caring about your health and appearance is never bad. I love baking, but my fratdaddy would never tolerate a fatty and neither would I. I love to bake and we both love to eat, so I worry sometimes about his waist… the best way to combat this is by going on ‘dates’ to the gym together! Some sratstars will tell you to use fat free butter spread or skim milk in your baked goods. THEY ARE WRONG. Using substandard ingredients make your baked goods terrible, the trick is to bake for your man and work it off! OR, have him share with his brother’s…then you win their hearts, too ;)

WHAT’S WITH ALL THE ARCHITECT COMMENTS?!:

Q:  I'm studying to be an architect, which in short terms, makes having a social life near-impossible. The workload is so incredible that I cant attend socials or do anything leisurely late at night. (unless its saturday but there are no socials on weekends) Because of this, I havent met any guys out of my 1.5 years in college. I'm not really interested in a MRS, but I at least want to get to know some fraternity gentlemen so that I dont have to skip out of formal/semi-formal/date functions because I dont know anyone. Bottom line, is it possible to meet guys without having to go out late at night? It seems like the only way to meet people is to go out at night, but there has to be some other ways. Sorry for such a lengthy post, but I feel like you're really knowledgeable about these things! Thanks a ton and love the posts!

A: I know most of you think that we are all elementary ed majors and comm students who don’t have anything better to do than post on our blog, but as you can see from the lack of posts, this isn’t true. We have more than one science major, pre-med, pre-law, history, English, etc. We have homework, and papers, and tests to do. As much as I love to craft and drink and bake, I have to make choices. Usually good ones. If you can spare even ONE night out a week, do it wisely. One of the smartest girls I know is one of the most fun. Do you homework. Wake up early if you must, wake up at 7am, do your homework during your breaks (even though you’d rather be napping). Trade Saturday night for Thursday so you can  go to your social. It doesn’t matter what day you go out, if you wanna meet fratties or go to the best parties, pick and choose your battles, you can do it J

Q: Also I would love a small mention in a post about what being "lavaliered" as opposed to being "pinned" means. I know it means different things, obvi, but no one's been able to explain to me what exactly those differences are. And also as a girl who is going to be lavaliered soon, hopefully, do you wear them along with your sorority lavalier? Or do you replace it with his lavalier? Thanks! Axoxo

A: To be lavaliered is to indicate that you two are in a serious, committed relationship. This goes back to the days before it was “fb offish”… you are offish together, but you are not just a girlfriend. Usually/hopefully this leads to being engaged and then, in most sororities, you get a candle passing ceremony! You def wear your lavalier AND his together, and the difference between pinning and lavaliering is slight. You don’t have to be lavaliered, then pinned, then engaged but that’s how they used to do it. Lavaliered is committing to a serious relationship, pinning is saying to that girl that they are AS IMPORTANT AS HIS FRATERNITY. It is the step before engagement and it’s a BIG DEAL. Lavaliering, then pinning, then the Tiffany. Got it?

Q: I was just reading this while online shopping on Vineyard Vines and was wondering what your opinion was on the new VV tote, still acceptable in winter or no?

A: I like a longchamp in the winter but VV is great if it matches!

Q:blackberry or driod??

       A: I am not CNET or Consumer Reports or the guy at Sprint or my daddy, but I have a BBcurve and I adore BBMing with Tease.

      

Q: Also, what would you say the srattiest brands of cowboy boots are? Never having bought cowboy boots before, I feel like I have an idea of the style and look like I want, but I want to make the sure the brand is right too.

       A: you can never go wrong with Frye boots to be safe. Look for western stores that make their own boots or go to boutiques and find a vintage pair. DO NOT go to macy’s or a chain store, southern belle will be able to tell from a block away that you are a fake, just like your boots.

MRS Degree

Recently, we on the Sorostitute Stories have come under immense criticism and harsh fire for the posts and tweets about getting the coveted MRS degree. Naturally, we let such “haterz” roll off our backs, but the misconceptions and personal attacks are not only unnecessary, but also ignorant. The beauty of our blog, at least in my humble opinion, is that nobody knows if we are truly serious or sarcastically witty. We like to keep it that way.

On our team, we hold seven non-professional writers. Some are students- pre-laws, pre-health care professionals, future educators and nurses. We have girls in the working world making their own living and doing a fantastic job. So, you may be wondering what this MRS degree we keep talking about is.

What it is:

The intention to have a long-term relationship during college (particularly senior year) that (hopefully) ends in a proposal

The intentions of working independently or, ideally, alongside your husband until you shamelessly give up your career to raise children

Cooking, baking, and cleaning to perfection because you ENJOY it

Already picking out baby names with your friends so nobody can steal yours

Planning parties for your hubby’s work friends

Charity. Work.

Sewing, crafting, and having “homemade tricks and fix-its” for the kids

Being equally as proud of your husband as he is of you

What it is NOT:

Blowing off school and acting like a bimbo (Come on, what decent man wants to bring home and wife up a dumb girl with no education and life goals??)

Being a gold digger (puh lease!)

Being a housewife

Being lazy or wasting space

TROPHY WIFE

It’s no secret that when sorostitutes have set their mind to something, they will get it. And it is no secret that getting boys to date us and fall in love with us (and fall in love with them back) is part of our charm. Getting an MRS degree, however, is not at all a priority for girls like us. As a matter of fact, getting an MRS is proving harder than getting a degree in biology. Although all the cute pre-meds in the class don’t hurt ;)

Our Featured Guide to Bros

Hey y'all,

Welcome to all of our new readers!! We were recently featured on StatusBro.com in a BROg post called "A Girl's Guide to Bros." Check it out!
http://www.statusbro.com/content/sorostitute-stories-girls-guide-bros

xoxo sorostitutes

Ghosts of boyfriends past

been visited by multiple ghosts of exes past in the recent weeks. Sign i've been too much of a relationship scrooge recently?

A tweet by one of our followers that made me think about how much I love these moments...again I hope you realize I'm kidding. You sit and ask yourself my is my subconscience bringing these moments back to me. Like yesterday I had a dream about my ex-fratdaddy's fraternity. I never really ever dreamed about them in the past because though he and I dated, my heart really belonged to another group of fratdaddies. I then realized that I've had several dreams that the ex's have popped up in and then with further thinking realized that several men of my past have popped back into my life.

So why do men decide they need to pop back into our lives? Here are a few of my experiences...

1. There exists the very odd occassion of actually wanting to be friends. In this case the relationship was actually one of those movie/tv like break-ups inwhich you realized you're meant to be friends. I personally don't entirely believe that this is a real event, but I've heard about it. So after the proper amount of we're awkward around each other time you can once again enter each other's lives.

2. Then there's the "hasn't gotten any action as good as you since your break-up" or worse "he hasn't gotten any at all". In this instance said sir is gonna try and weasle his way back into your life to get another drunken hook-up because he knows you're not dumb enough to do anything sober. This is normally seen through comments that are asking what you're up to, or haven't seen you out in a while. He tries to be friendly, but you can tell her's reaching.

3. He's that old hook-up that you never actually committed to. He's back either to hook-up again for the good time, or he's back to try and get you to commit again. If we wouldn't commit the first time and have spent time apart odds are we won't wanna commit again. If the hook-up was fun why not give it another whirl. Who doesn't love a good hook-up?

4. One of my favorite reasons a guy comes back is he has moved on to another girl...and "she's perfect", "everything he could hope for in a girl". He's now back to shove it in your face. This is where you love your sisters because they come in to tell you that you're so much prettier than her, that she's a down grade, and that you can do so much better than him. I mean of course we've moved on too, but if not this is where you pull your best fratdaddy guy friend (a life must have) to pretend to be your new beau that you're pursuing...if he knows the fratdaddy friend use one of BFDF's (best fratdaddy friend) friends as a cover.

4a. He's coming back into your life because he has recently become acquainted with one of your sisters and is interested in her. In this instance he is asking your approval...not that he really cares but just so he doesn't end up with about 20 beers on his head the next time he's out. Because we know as girls that the first girl always gets the sympathy, the second girl is a bitch, and hell hath no fury like a sorority girl towards a guy that has screwed over her friend.

5. He hears you have found a new fratdaddy so he decides he needs to scope out the new sir and voice his opinions. I personally take this as a compliment; it means he's still not over you and that you still have around your little finger.

6. And finally probably the most amusing...his fraternity is doing a philanthropy event and he needs to buy a ticket or show up and support them. So he's gonna play like a sorority girl and put on that fake smile to get you to support him so he doesn't look bad infront of the bros.

Two Boys, One Girl

Every once and a while, a good tease and, in general, a good sorostitute will find herself in a predicament. You see, it is highly likely that the tease is playing more than one frat daddy. Likewise, when the weekend comes around and both men have inquired about your whereabouts, situations get a little tight. How must a good sorostitute choose between slampieces? Here are a few guidelines that we at http://sorostitutestories.blogspot.com/ follow:

1.) Ask yourself which fraternity is more powerful?

· Every good sorostitute knows that powerful fraternities on campus= powerful men in bed. Give him the reigns for one sack session and he will blow your mind… that is if you don’t blow his first.

2.) Do I want to date him or slam him?

· Some fratties come with emotions and baggage. If you just want to get in and out avoid these men as much as possible. If you are looking for something more reliable (aka a “buddy”) then try the emotionals. Sure, they’ll drive you crazy with the constant phone calls and texts, but at least you will not have to increase your numbers…

3.) Will he make me do any of his chores?

· Some frat daddies are just flat out douchebags, and that is why we love them. There is something about them that just makes us sorostitutes want to iron their clothes and make them sandwiches. If you’re not in the mood to do such things, avoid them at all costs.

4.) How many of his brothers have a hooked up with?

· Pretty straightforward. Nobody wants to be a whore.

5.) How many of my sisters has he hooked up with?

· Again, you really don’t want to seem like a whore.

6.) How far is the walk of shame?

· Something to consider when comparing two men. Shorter walks in highly crowed Greek Row lose to longer walks through ordinary neighborhoods.

7.) Who is better in bed?

· SELF-EXPLAINATORY.

And so it is, sometimes we must pick and choose between boys… but hey, someone’s gotta do it!

XOXO Tease