Post NYE

I suppose it is time for that after NYE post. And I suppose that you expect that it was a fabulous time of drunken debauchery illustrated by classy parties, chivalrous men, and fine liquor. Well, it wasn’t. As a matter of fact, my NYE was one hot mess. I guess the only place to start is from the beginning:

I arrived at my destination (campus) around 3PM. Ho-mance and I went shopping for last minute outfits at the local mall. It was a madhouse and full of geeds, so we simply had to pick something quickly and get to the important destination- the liquor store. Seeing that she is underage, I sent little Ho-mance to pick up some mixers while I grabbed a bottle of Grey Goose (I mean it was a holiday we needed to be fancy) and 8 bottles of Andre (to negate all class that ensued with the vodka). Surely, it was going to be a rough night.

We threw a fantastic dinner party with the boys and had a spectacular toast. It was time to move to the second party of the evening- the kegger. Nothing out of the ordinary happened besides drunken babble, flirting, party hats, those noisemaker things, beer pong, and pic taking. The third party was a block away and everyone was in the mood to count down the New Year. As girls scrambled around to find their midnight kiss, I sat in the corner with my personal bottle of champagne and guzzled while Ho-mance made out with my good friend. I wasn’t having the random make out tonight because I was being a pretentious bitch.

We moved back to the guys’ house and generally debauchery played out. As we made our way back home, I got a little sad that all my friends were out and about having sex with boyfriends/crushes/one-night-stands and I just wanted to put on my jammies and go to bed. I was spent.

I got a text around 2:36 AM from a guy from my past. And I caved. There is no explanation for why I did. We have been hooking up on and off for the past year and a half, and have sacrificed what used to be a great friendship for effortlessly hooking up. He is THAT exception to the rule. So he came over. He walked in and we quickly said hi as we bolted upstairs to my room. No other words were exchanged before we heavily started making out. Which was all that happened. Really hot, I know. As I faded into a slumber, he went home (apparently he had friends visiting from out of town and left them to be with me).

Between the drunk and the sleeping I managed to take my clothes off to be comfortable. Around 6:30 AM Ho-mance stumbled into my unlocked apartment into my room from her walk of shame. She was “ready for our slumber party!!” I warned her of my nakedness and she passed out without any recognition of my no clothes state. At 9:30 AM I heard the “OH FUCKK WHERE AM I?” coming from my little sister. I told her to shutup and get me a tshirt (she grabbed the Derby Days). We headed to McDonalds to cure our massive headaches and nursed our hangovers all day watching the Bravo network.

So there it was. Drunk, classless, messy, silly. Not necessarily the NYE I imagined, but nonetheless at least I did not blackout? I suppose I couldn't have expected much... after all, I AM a sorostitute.

xoxo Tease

New Year's Eve

Seeing that it is the only day that it is appropriate to wear a full on sparkle outfit, New Year’s Eve is certainly a great night for any sorostitute. However, I have personally made some NYE mistakes that I certainly do NOT want anyone else to make. I mean, let’s be honest, give us a sequins mini dress, a bottle of bubbly, and night where makeouts and blowing those noisy things until you nearly pass out is socially acceptable and we have a disaster on our hands.

One year, I was so desperate to kiss with someone at midnight that I spent the whole night scoping the parties and bars I was at. I did not pay attention to my drink intake and as a result ending up not remembering the countdown!! I ended up being attacked with tongue by some random guy against my will. Ewww. Upon getting home, a friend of a friend couldn’t keep her shiz together so I became the hair holder while she prayed to the porcelain Jesus. Overall, it was a really and successful fun night on sorostitute terms ;)

We must be mindful to not blackout this NYE. I am making a pledge to myself to keep it classy. Only one bottle of champagne must be consumed per girl. NO RANDOM MAKEOUTS. And it goes without saying

ABSOLUTELY NO GDI’S. NO DANCING, FLIRTING, KISSING. PERIOD.

What are your NYE resolutions? What are your stories? Comment below!!

I'd rather be tailgating

I'd really rather be painting a cooler or tailgating right now, napping, shopping, crafting or doing really anything else. Alas every once in a while you need to take a trip to the test library and brush up on some class work. For those of you currently also procrastinating on your adorable little Macbook Pro's, here is some Thursday afternoon reading:

Hilarious Haters:
Mason-Dixon War- Sorority Style (Sorostitutes love both South and Northern Sisters xo)
Sorority Girl Problems

Darlings:

Caffeine and Cocktails's mention of us:

You SHOULD coordinate your clothes. You SHOULD make him work for it. You SHOULD make sure that you have a "mom" in your group of friends. You SHOULD NEVER cry whilst drunk.

In Defense of Sorostitutes
Sorority Manifesto- Excerpt:

I am a nice girl. I am the kind of girl you hope you will bring home to Thanksgiving dinner. I care about the elementary education of third world countries, I care about the op-ed in the Sunday New York Times, and my main goal in life is to have an engagement ring bigger than that of any girl I knew in high school.

xoxoxoxo Slampiece

 PS: you already read our loves over at Status Bro's, TFM (or as we like to call it, TSM), and  lax bro's, right? Well, get on that.

PPS: If you are anybody (and even if you are nobody), you should be on twitter. Go visit our Twitter to get hilarious and true Sorostitute Stories in 140 characters or less!