Boots, Boys and Baking- Your questions (finally) answered!

We have all pretty much agreed over here at Sorostitute Stories that we are not going to do a bedroom post. Sorry ladies, but when I joined the chapter and went greek we didn’t have TFM or Sorostitute Stories to tell us what to do. My freshman year I was a mess trying to figure out who I was going to be in college. I can’t tell you how to please your Fratdaddy in the bedroom. I COULD, but I wont. It’s tacky. Relationships take work and are all different and special and blah blah blah. Basically, I’d tell you what to do and you’d do it and he’d freak out and then you all would post negative things. And the GDI’s would get on here and post about how we are all terrible people who are sluts, etc etc.

HOWEVER since I’m done with finals I think its HIGH TIME someone answered some of your more normal questions!

Q: I have a question that only older, more experience sorostitutes could answer. Is it ever acceptable to date a GDI? We are not talking a cargo wearing, tattoo sporting, Obama voting GDI. We are talking a wealthy, private school educated, Ralph Lauren wearing, Republican GDI. He's studying architecture and has applied for a job at my dad's firm. The only reason he's a GDI is because he's quiet and didn't want to have to deal with the social aspect of being a fratstar. I am thinking it's OK because he's successful and rich; plus my father approves. I am just concerned that all of my fellow sratty ladies will disown me or something. Opinions?

A: Depends on where you live, your age, etc. I don’t think I could ever marry a GDI, only because I just don’t think we would ever really understand each other. He would never understand that I spent college with puffpaint, natty, addy and letters while he was studying and….doing whatever it is that GDI’s do? And if you are a reader of this site, you are probably EXTREMELY sratty. You already use the term GDI’s, won’t that get old and hurt his feelings? If you live in the south and/or all your friends and family were/are greek, they might never accept him or agree with your choice. BUT do you really want to let them dictate everything you do for the rest of your life? If you are out of college and live somewhere where being greek is not a big deal starting the day after you graduate, why wouldn’t you go for it? I would never tell someone not to date the Ralph Lauren wearing, republican, quiet rich guy. But, the fact that you HAVE to ask tells me you aren’t in to him enough in the first place!

Q: i really like baking for my boy but i'm a lil worried about mine getting fat is that bad?

A: Caring about your health and appearance is never bad. I love baking, but my fratdaddy would never tolerate a fatty and neither would I. I love to bake and we both love to eat, so I worry sometimes about his waist… the best way to combat this is by going on ‘dates’ to the gym together! Some sratstars will tell you to use fat free butter spread or skim milk in your baked goods. THEY ARE WRONG. Using substandard ingredients make your baked goods terrible, the trick is to bake for your man and work it off! OR, have him share with his brother’s…then you win their hearts, too ;)

WHAT’S WITH ALL THE ARCHITECT COMMENTS?!:

Q:  I'm studying to be an architect, which in short terms, makes having a social life near-impossible. The workload is so incredible that I cant attend socials or do anything leisurely late at night. (unless its saturday but there are no socials on weekends) Because of this, I havent met any guys out of my 1.5 years in college. I'm not really interested in a MRS, but I at least want to get to know some fraternity gentlemen so that I dont have to skip out of formal/semi-formal/date functions because I dont know anyone. Bottom line, is it possible to meet guys without having to go out late at night? It seems like the only way to meet people is to go out at night, but there has to be some other ways. Sorry for such a lengthy post, but I feel like you're really knowledgeable about these things! Thanks a ton and love the posts!

A: I know most of you think that we are all elementary ed majors and comm students who don’t have anything better to do than post on our blog, but as you can see from the lack of posts, this isn’t true. We have more than one science major, pre-med, pre-law, history, English, etc. We have homework, and papers, and tests to do. As much as I love to craft and drink and bake, I have to make choices. Usually good ones. If you can spare even ONE night out a week, do it wisely. One of the smartest girls I know is one of the most fun. Do you homework. Wake up early if you must, wake up at 7am, do your homework during your breaks (even though you’d rather be napping). Trade Saturday night for Thursday so you can  go to your social. It doesn’t matter what day you go out, if you wanna meet fratties or go to the best parties, pick and choose your battles, you can do it J

Q: Also I would love a small mention in a post about what being "lavaliered" as opposed to being "pinned" means. I know it means different things, obvi, but no one's been able to explain to me what exactly those differences are. And also as a girl who is going to be lavaliered soon, hopefully, do you wear them along with your sorority lavalier? Or do you replace it with his lavalier? Thanks! Axoxo

A: To be lavaliered is to indicate that you two are in a serious, committed relationship. This goes back to the days before it was “fb offish”… you are offish together, but you are not just a girlfriend. Usually/hopefully this leads to being engaged and then, in most sororities, you get a candle passing ceremony! You def wear your lavalier AND his together, and the difference between pinning and lavaliering is slight. You don’t have to be lavaliered, then pinned, then engaged but that’s how they used to do it. Lavaliered is committing to a serious relationship, pinning is saying to that girl that they are AS IMPORTANT AS HIS FRATERNITY. It is the step before engagement and it’s a BIG DEAL. Lavaliering, then pinning, then the Tiffany. Got it?

Q: I was just reading this while online shopping on Vineyard Vines and was wondering what your opinion was on the new VV tote, still acceptable in winter or no?

A: I like a longchamp in the winter but VV is great if it matches!

Q:blackberry or driod??

       A: I am not CNET or Consumer Reports or the guy at Sprint or my daddy, but I have a BBcurve and I adore BBMing with Tease.

      

Q: Also, what would you say the srattiest brands of cowboy boots are? Never having bought cowboy boots before, I feel like I have an idea of the style and look like I want, but I want to make the sure the brand is right too.

       A: you can never go wrong with Frye boots to be safe. Look for western stores that make their own boots or go to boutiques and find a vintage pair. DO NOT go to macy’s or a chain store, southern belle will be able to tell from a block away that you are a fake, just like your boots.

“I’ve been dating since I was 14, I’m exhausted, WHERE IS HE!?”

…. Probably right under your nose. Or right around the law library stacks.

I always believed in fairytale, princess, and love-at-first-sight. For most of college I was under the impression that if I didn’t walk into the frat party and see someone new and immediately fall in love that it wasn’t going to happen. I am the opposite of Tease, someone who slowly starts to like someone, all the while playing her hilarious (and effective) game. No, I tend to decide within minutes that I will date this SigChi, KA, DX, etc. Not to be uppity, but generally that’s what happened, too. They have gotten me in the strangest ways, too. A bonfide alchy offering a night in with my favorite movie started an interesting summer, wearing the same lacoste polo to a homecoming party started my 2-year-long “Mr. Big” saga, and there are quite a few drunken makeouts at tailgating that turned into boyfriends. All of whom I claimed love at first sight.

            Here we are, at senior year, right before the end of fall semester, and the reason you never got a 2^nd ring by spring post (YET! WAIT FOR IT) is because I threw yet another fish back into the sea. I was really reaching this time, and only I failed to see it. When we broke up, my fellow bloggers at Sorostitute Stories said "Um, yeah we knew it wasn't going to work out, but we were going to let you figure it out." thanks guys. But they were right, I had let my judgement be clouded by my romanticism and my quest for the Tiffany's classic setting.
           So, for the umpteenth time over my time as a Sorostitute, I find myself feeling that if we have drank together at an ever changing cast of bars for the past 4 years, if I can name all your hookups this semester as well as your past positions held, or if we have sat in lectures (or skipped) for all of college, I can’t date you. It has to be that love-at-first-sight butterflies. And being a senior (I have to stop admitting my age, woof), that pretty much leaves Freshman, Sophomores and… GDI’s? None of these are acceptable, I never date “down” in age or rank and I haven’t dated a GDI since High School. I relegated myself to Law students and single-town until graduation, and slightly ok with it, at least in front of my sisters.

            Fast Forward a couple of weeks, finals, and a friend from home’s brother starts talking to me via the FB. I usually never let myself talk to boys online as it tends to lead to problems. (one huge exception is the boys at StatusBro and 412_Lax ...because I am waiting for the first to fly to *our city* and propose) But he wasn’t ‘a boy’, he was a family friend! Plus, older brother’s have only existed in my mind before now as ways to annoy your friends. “Can’t wait to marry your brother and be a smith! What a hottie”, etc. We had met when I was in seventh grade when we both had braces and before I discovered pearl studs! This was never love at first sight. He asked me on a date over Winter Break and I accepted, expecting not to hear from him until then.

            Literally days later, a twitter post about an opportunity for next year I am considering (never graduate, ladies) led to an alumni of my high school AND college offering to get drinks and talk about it, as long as I go on a date with him. (Disclaimer: alum of ‘09, not ’79) Then there is A, the boy whom I have everything and nothing in common with that likes to make me brunch, whom somehow hid from me for the entirety of college. Suddenly I had more than one suitor. None of them were begging me to be Mrs. Fratstar, but still. I realized that it doesn’t have to be love at first sight, and it doesn’t have to be a relationship right away, if ever. The ring won’t come by spring if you force it, and especially if you overlook those fratties you think you could never marry. Look behind the stacks in the law library, talk to the poor newly-initiated fratty behind the bar at the exchange, and run into everyone’s hot older brother over Christmas break because you never know who you might find.

I’ll keep you updated on Big Brother, A, and Alumni over break! X’s and O’s,

Slampiece!

ATTENTION haters:

 I’m not going to date 3 people at once, don’t worry! (I wish I had no morals and could do this because that would make for a great blog series) Real slampieces have class, even if we don’t attend it.

Our Featured Guide to Bros

Hey y'all,

Welcome to all of our new readers!! We were recently featured on StatusBro.com in a BROg post called "A Girl's Guide to Bros." Check it out!
http://www.statusbro.com/content/sorostitute-stories-girls-guide-bros

xoxo sorostitutes

How to Hookup with a Sorostitute at a Social

It’s Friday night and nothing is looking better right now than the next four beers and the perfectly snazzy outfit from Goodwill. Not only does it go with the night’s cowboy theme, but it also has a ticket in its pocket—a ticket to the poundtown express. Every good fratstar knows that when a sorostitute invites you to a social event because “she wants someone who will have a good time,” she means she is going to blow your brains out at the end of the night. If you have troubles hopping on the train in time, you are either a pledge or a GDI because you certainly have no game and have no clue how to get Sigma Sarah to get horizontal by bar close. So, for those of you who aren’t so inclined to take advantage of drunken sorority girls, this one is for you.

Each type of social event carries a certain stigma about hooking up, the first being a date party. The title saying it all—it’s a DATE party. If the sorostitute asked you to go, things are looking good. However, be warned that date parties can get awkward if the right amount of booze/ atmosphere are not provided. Therefore, it is necessary that enough pregaming with hard, dark liquor take place. Give your sorostitute a few shots of whiskey and she will be good to go before you know it.

The next best event is semi-formal. Semi-formal is the ultimate shit show of the year. She will spend hours planning what she is going to talk to you about, what perfume she is going to wear, and where to hide a condom for a quickie in the bathroom (only to forget everything if she is drunk enough). Be warned, if she gets too drunk it’s night over, so try to stick to vodka or beer. Functional alcoholic also advises vodka because it is easy to sneak in your purse/ coat and makes up for the cals you waste eating finger foods.

Depending on the year, formal is either the best time you don’t remember or the average time you were sober. The best advice is to scope out the scene, the venue, the invited guests, and the pre-party before committing to formals. Not every formal date ends up getting it in because of rules, alumni, and the silly sorostitute trying to be “classy.”

And for the flat out fuck fest, we invented exchanges. There is not much to say about these events, other than drink as much booze as you possibly can. Give the sorostitute nearly any kind of liquor and mix it with a few frat waters, and the next thing you know you’re making out in the fratcastle basement. Dance with her a little bit and offer to give her a tour of wherever you are so you can make your move. I’ve personally seen the Sigma Chi house three times…and three different bedrooms. Exchanges take nearly no effort and are a guaranteed win!

Really, you are starting to see a common theme. GET THE GIRL DRUNK. Challenge her to flip cup, complement her drinking skills, tell her something nice (I know it’s hard, but do it for the bang), and remember that a good sorostitute is already two steps ahead of you to the bedroom door.

Two Boys, One Girl

Every once and a while, a good tease and, in general, a good sorostitute will find herself in a predicament. You see, it is highly likely that the tease is playing more than one frat daddy. Likewise, when the weekend comes around and both men have inquired about your whereabouts, situations get a little tight. How must a good sorostitute choose between slampieces? Here are a few guidelines that we at http://sorostitutestories.blogspot.com/ follow:

1.) Ask yourself which fraternity is more powerful?

· Every good sorostitute knows that powerful fraternities on campus= powerful men in bed. Give him the reigns for one sack session and he will blow your mind… that is if you don’t blow his first.

2.) Do I want to date him or slam him?

· Some fratties come with emotions and baggage. If you just want to get in and out avoid these men as much as possible. If you are looking for something more reliable (aka a “buddy”) then try the emotionals. Sure, they’ll drive you crazy with the constant phone calls and texts, but at least you will not have to increase your numbers…

3.) Will he make me do any of his chores?

· Some frat daddies are just flat out douchebags, and that is why we love them. There is something about them that just makes us sorostitutes want to iron their clothes and make them sandwiches. If you’re not in the mood to do such things, avoid them at all costs.

4.) How many of his brothers have a hooked up with?

· Pretty straightforward. Nobody wants to be a whore.

5.) How many of my sisters has he hooked up with?

· Again, you really don’t want to seem like a whore.

6.) How far is the walk of shame?

· Something to consider when comparing two men. Shorter walks in highly crowed Greek Row lose to longer walks through ordinary neighborhoods.

7.) Who is better in bed?

· SELF-EXPLAINATORY.

And so it is, sometimes we must pick and choose between boys… but hey, someone’s gotta do it!

XOXO Tease