Avoiding the Awkward Slampiece

So you did the unthinkable? You hooked up with a GDI, a good friend, or a random, and now you have to see him walking around and going to class (when you actually attend). How must a good tease avoid such interactions while maintaining her reputation on campus?

Unfortunately, I have drunkenly dabbled in GDIs more then once. I seem not only to lose my balance, my phone, and shoes when I drink, but I also lose my standards. As if having to live with your poor life decisions isn’t bad enough, now your sisters are going to find out. You may never live this down. Or it may fade into the makeout oblivion. Here are a few tips I have gathered from my awkward encounters:

· Consider changing your route to class if you run into him. It may seem silly but not having that awkward stare down is worth it.

· Have a class together? Leave it to the head-nod/smile for the first couple weeks (if he initiates the head-nod of course) after the hookup. It will eventually fade into stranger status, which is good.

· If you are with your sisters, in a group, or even with one other girl- make no recognition of his existence.

· At a bar or party, do not be tempted by the sweet confidence brought on by booze. This is dangerous territory because you may want to go up and say hi, or try to make out with him again. Chances are you do not want anyone to know you fell into the deep abyss which is repeating your mistakes, so try and distract yourself with your friends, making friends with the bartender, or an new man—all at arms length.

· If you are friends with the guy, this is very simple. You just pretend nothing ever happened. Deny. Deny. Deny.

· Sunglasses!! BIG BEAUTFUL SHADES= NO EYE CONTACT. Look good and keep your DIGNITY.

It’s nothing to be embarrassed about when you run into the awkward slampiece. As a matter of fact, as long as you pretend it doesn’t bother you, there is really no loss. Needless to say, the BEST way to avoid an awkward slampiece is to make good choices before anything can get awkward. But, who are we kidding, that’s never on the agenda ;)

xoxo

Sisters are Supportive

Because I wasn't going to admit it myself, so I let Mom do it for me.

“I’ve been dating since I was 14, I’m exhausted, WHERE IS HE!?”

…. Probably right under your nose. Or right around the law library stacks.

I always believed in fairytale, princess, and love-at-first-sight. For most of college I was under the impression that if I didn’t walk into the frat party and see someone new and immediately fall in love that it wasn’t going to happen. I am the opposite of Tease, someone who slowly starts to like someone, all the while playing her hilarious (and effective) game. No, I tend to decide within minutes that I will date this SigChi, KA, DX, etc. Not to be uppity, but generally that’s what happened, too. They have gotten me in the strangest ways, too. A bonfide alchy offering a night in with my favorite movie started an interesting summer, wearing the same lacoste polo to a homecoming party started my 2-year-long “Mr. Big” saga, and there are quite a few drunken makeouts at tailgating that turned into boyfriends. All of whom I claimed love at first sight.

            Here we are, at senior year, right before the end of fall semester, and the reason you never got a 2^nd ring by spring post (YET! WAIT FOR IT) is because I threw yet another fish back into the sea. I was really reaching this time, and only I failed to see it. When we broke up, my fellow bloggers at Sorostitute Stories said "Um, yeah we knew it wasn't going to work out, but we were going to let you figure it out." thanks guys. But they were right, I had let my judgement be clouded by my romanticism and my quest for the Tiffany's classic setting.
           So, for the umpteenth time over my time as a Sorostitute, I find myself feeling that if we have drank together at an ever changing cast of bars for the past 4 years, if I can name all your hookups this semester as well as your past positions held, or if we have sat in lectures (or skipped) for all of college, I can’t date you. It has to be that love-at-first-sight butterflies. And being a senior (I have to stop admitting my age, woof), that pretty much leaves Freshman, Sophomores and… GDI’s? None of these are acceptable, I never date “down” in age or rank and I haven’t dated a GDI since High School. I relegated myself to Law students and single-town until graduation, and slightly ok with it, at least in front of my sisters.

            Fast Forward a couple of weeks, finals, and a friend from home’s brother starts talking to me via the FB. I usually never let myself talk to boys online as it tends to lead to problems. (one huge exception is the boys at StatusBro and 412_Lax ...because I am waiting for the first to fly to *our city* and propose) But he wasn’t ‘a boy’, he was a family friend! Plus, older brother’s have only existed in my mind before now as ways to annoy your friends. “Can’t wait to marry your brother and be a smith! What a hottie”, etc. We had met when I was in seventh grade when we both had braces and before I discovered pearl studs! This was never love at first sight. He asked me on a date over Winter Break and I accepted, expecting not to hear from him until then.

            Literally days later, a twitter post about an opportunity for next year I am considering (never graduate, ladies) led to an alumni of my high school AND college offering to get drinks and talk about it, as long as I go on a date with him. (Disclaimer: alum of ‘09, not ’79) Then there is A, the boy whom I have everything and nothing in common with that likes to make me brunch, whom somehow hid from me for the entirety of college. Suddenly I had more than one suitor. None of them were begging me to be Mrs. Fratstar, but still. I realized that it doesn’t have to be love at first sight, and it doesn’t have to be a relationship right away, if ever. The ring won’t come by spring if you force it, and especially if you overlook those fratties you think you could never marry. Look behind the stacks in the law library, talk to the poor newly-initiated fratty behind the bar at the exchange, and run into everyone’s hot older brother over Christmas break because you never know who you might find.

I’ll keep you updated on Big Brother, A, and Alumni over break! X’s and O’s,

Slampiece!

ATTENTION haters:

 I’m not going to date 3 people at once, don’t worry! (I wish I had no morals and could do this because that would make for a great blog series) Real slampieces have class, even if we don’t attend it.