Avoiding the Awkward Slampiece

So you did the unthinkable? You hooked up with a GDI, a good friend, or a random, and now you have to see him walking around and going to class (when you actually attend). How must a good tease avoid such interactions while maintaining her reputation on campus?

Unfortunately, I have drunkenly dabbled in GDIs more then once. I seem not only to lose my balance, my phone, and shoes when I drink, but I also lose my standards. As if having to live with your poor life decisions isn’t bad enough, now your sisters are going to find out. You may never live this down. Or it may fade into the makeout oblivion. Here are a few tips I have gathered from my awkward encounters:

· Consider changing your route to class if you run into him. It may seem silly but not having that awkward stare down is worth it.

· Have a class together? Leave it to the head-nod/smile for the first couple weeks (if he initiates the head-nod of course) after the hookup. It will eventually fade into stranger status, which is good.

· If you are with your sisters, in a group, or even with one other girl- make no recognition of his existence.

· At a bar or party, do not be tempted by the sweet confidence brought on by booze. This is dangerous territory because you may want to go up and say hi, or try to make out with him again. Chances are you do not want anyone to know you fell into the deep abyss which is repeating your mistakes, so try and distract yourself with your friends, making friends with the bartender, or an new man—all at arms length.

· If you are friends with the guy, this is very simple. You just pretend nothing ever happened. Deny. Deny. Deny.

· Sunglasses!! BIG BEAUTFUL SHADES= NO EYE CONTACT. Look good and keep your DIGNITY.

It’s nothing to be embarrassed about when you run into the awkward slampiece. As a matter of fact, as long as you pretend it doesn’t bother you, there is really no loss. Needless to say, the BEST way to avoid an awkward slampiece is to make good choices before anything can get awkward. But, who are we kidding, that’s never on the agenda ;)

xoxo

MRS Degree

Recently, we on the Sorostitute Stories have come under immense criticism and harsh fire for the posts and tweets about getting the coveted MRS degree. Naturally, we let such “haterz” roll off our backs, but the misconceptions and personal attacks are not only unnecessary, but also ignorant. The beauty of our blog, at least in my humble opinion, is that nobody knows if we are truly serious or sarcastically witty. We like to keep it that way.

On our team, we hold seven non-professional writers. Some are students- pre-laws, pre-health care professionals, future educators and nurses. We have girls in the working world making their own living and doing a fantastic job. So, you may be wondering what this MRS degree we keep talking about is.

What it is:

The intention to have a long-term relationship during college (particularly senior year) that (hopefully) ends in a proposal

The intentions of working independently or, ideally, alongside your husband until you shamelessly give up your career to raise children

Cooking, baking, and cleaning to perfection because you ENJOY it

Already picking out baby names with your friends so nobody can steal yours

Planning parties for your hubby’s work friends

Charity. Work.

Sewing, crafting, and having “homemade tricks and fix-its” for the kids

Being equally as proud of your husband as he is of you

What it is NOT:

Blowing off school and acting like a bimbo (Come on, what decent man wants to bring home and wife up a dumb girl with no education and life goals??)

Being a gold digger (puh lease!)

Being a housewife

Being lazy or wasting space

TROPHY WIFE

It’s no secret that when sorostitutes have set their mind to something, they will get it. And it is no secret that getting boys to date us and fall in love with us (and fall in love with them back) is part of our charm. Getting an MRS degree, however, is not at all a priority for girls like us. As a matter of fact, getting an MRS is proving harder than getting a degree in biology. Although all the cute pre-meds in the class don’t hurt ;)

Turning 21: Legal binge drinking

This post will be short and sweet – just like our favorite little Tease. It’s a milestone in the life of a sorostitute when she can pass down her fake ID and proudly show her own ID to the bouncer (who has been letting her in since freshman year) boasting her eligibility to become a member of the 21 Club.

Our débutante ball was a glamorous and memorable event of our youth. It was exciting to turn 18, so we could legally hook-up/date older sirs. It was thrilling to go through recruitment and find our rightful place in the Greek system. We’ll never forget our first fratdaddy – he’ll always have a special place on our “checklist”. However, turning 21 is an experience like no other.

With bars and booze comes more fratdaddies, drunken drama, and nights you’ll never remember. It will be the time of your life with your sorostitutes by your side.

Love you, Tease. Happy 21^st Birthday!

How to Hookup with a Sorostitute at a Social

It’s Friday night and nothing is looking better right now than the next four beers and the perfectly snazzy outfit from Goodwill. Not only does it go with the night’s cowboy theme, but it also has a ticket in its pocket—a ticket to the poundtown express. Every good fratstar knows that when a sorostitute invites you to a social event because “she wants someone who will have a good time,” she means she is going to blow your brains out at the end of the night. If you have troubles hopping on the train in time, you are either a pledge or a GDI because you certainly have no game and have no clue how to get Sigma Sarah to get horizontal by bar close. So, for those of you who aren’t so inclined to take advantage of drunken sorority girls, this one is for you.

Each type of social event carries a certain stigma about hooking up, the first being a date party. The title saying it all—it’s a DATE party. If the sorostitute asked you to go, things are looking good. However, be warned that date parties can get awkward if the right amount of booze/ atmosphere are not provided. Therefore, it is necessary that enough pregaming with hard, dark liquor take place. Give your sorostitute a few shots of whiskey and she will be good to go before you know it.

The next best event is semi-formal. Semi-formal is the ultimate shit show of the year. She will spend hours planning what she is going to talk to you about, what perfume she is going to wear, and where to hide a condom for a quickie in the bathroom (only to forget everything if she is drunk enough). Be warned, if she gets too drunk it’s night over, so try to stick to vodka or beer. Functional alcoholic also advises vodka because it is easy to sneak in your purse/ coat and makes up for the cals you waste eating finger foods.

Depending on the year, formal is either the best time you don’t remember or the average time you were sober. The best advice is to scope out the scene, the venue, the invited guests, and the pre-party before committing to formals. Not every formal date ends up getting it in because of rules, alumni, and the silly sorostitute trying to be “classy.”

And for the flat out fuck fest, we invented exchanges. There is not much to say about these events, other than drink as much booze as you possibly can. Give the sorostitute nearly any kind of liquor and mix it with a few frat waters, and the next thing you know you’re making out in the fratcastle basement. Dance with her a little bit and offer to give her a tour of wherever you are so you can make your move. I’ve personally seen the Sigma Chi house three times…and three different bedrooms. Exchanges take nearly no effort and are a guaranteed win!

Really, you are starting to see a common theme. GET THE GIRL DRUNK. Challenge her to flip cup, complement her drinking skills, tell her something nice (I know it’s hard, but do it for the bang), and remember that a good sorostitute is already two steps ahead of you to the bedroom door.

Two Boys, One Girl

Every once and a while, a good tease and, in general, a good sorostitute will find herself in a predicament. You see, it is highly likely that the tease is playing more than one frat daddy. Likewise, when the weekend comes around and both men have inquired about your whereabouts, situations get a little tight. How must a good sorostitute choose between slampieces? Here are a few guidelines that we at http://sorostitutestories.blogspot.com/ follow:

1.) Ask yourself which fraternity is more powerful?

· Every good sorostitute knows that powerful fraternities on campus= powerful men in bed. Give him the reigns for one sack session and he will blow your mind… that is if you don’t blow his first.

2.) Do I want to date him or slam him?

· Some fratties come with emotions and baggage. If you just want to get in and out avoid these men as much as possible. If you are looking for something more reliable (aka a “buddy”) then try the emotionals. Sure, they’ll drive you crazy with the constant phone calls and texts, but at least you will not have to increase your numbers…

3.) Will he make me do any of his chores?

· Some frat daddies are just flat out douchebags, and that is why we love them. There is something about them that just makes us sorostitutes want to iron their clothes and make them sandwiches. If you’re not in the mood to do such things, avoid them at all costs.

4.) How many of his brothers have a hooked up with?

· Pretty straightforward. Nobody wants to be a whore.

5.) How many of my sisters has he hooked up with?

· Again, you really don’t want to seem like a whore.

6.) How far is the walk of shame?

· Something to consider when comparing two men. Shorter walks in highly crowed Greek Row lose to longer walks through ordinary neighborhoods.

7.) Who is better in bed?

· SELF-EXPLAINATORY.

And so it is, sometimes we must pick and choose between boys… but hey, someone’s gotta do it!

XOXO Tease