Gotta Love the Holidays

So, with family Christmas parties right around the corner, we all must address the elephant in the room. Now, I normally don’t do such things seeing that I try to be genuinely nice to everyone (lies) and that I have more Christmas spirit than Slampiece herself (lies again), but, nonetheless, it needs to be taken care of. Yes, I am talking about the WORST part of the holidays— dealing with the GDI cousins.

Let’s set the stage shall we? You walk in and ugly Christmas sweaters abound the room. Grandmother dearest is sipping scotch on the rocks in the corner chair, complaining about something per usual. You turn to the left and cousin Ashley is stuffing her face with spinach dip. Is she preggers again? Is she even married? Some fatty walks by completely unrecognizable. Must be cousin Scott’s newest knocked-up slampiece. Has anyone here heard of Plan B?!? Avoid creepy uncle avoid creepy uncle avoid oh heyyyy dip into the bathroom.

Okay, so you’ve escaped to the bathroom and your hair looks great. You know right when you walk out that wanna-be-queen-bee herself cousin Becky will ask you all about going Greek and not so casually mention how she is soooo excited to go to the same school as you next year. (She’s already been put on the “list.”) Overall, everyone is acting idiotically and you are neither tipsy enough nor patient enough to deal with it. You retreat to the corner and bbm.

You and I alike still don’t understand why grandma thinks they are so wonderful. “They” being the geed cousins. Regardless, I have a few pointers to ensure you keep your calm and class while dealing with those pesky cousins:

1. - Don’t act like you’re better than them. It will just piss them off more.

2. - Try not to wear you absolute newest jewels and certainly nothing they envy. Look significantly better than them, but make it effortless.

3. - No need to talk about your sorority. They won’t understand and it just gives them more material to talk shiz about you behind your back. If the youngins want to rush, give them the general advice “be yourself” “

4. - Only bring up your boyfriend/slampiece/fratslam/crush if they bring up the opposite sex first. You don’t want to sound like you’re a braggin liar when you pull out the “Oh, Preston is a fourth generation mogul living in his fraternity house this year. He has a 3.70, does community service on the reg, and gave me a Yurman bracelet for Christmas.” You see what I mean?

5. - When all else fails, hit the booze hard.

I really don’t like Christmas time that much. The decorations give me anxiety because I hate knick-knacks and such. Not to mention too many temptations around sweet treats and tasty tid bits. But the cousins are frankly the worst. You and I can get through this. And if we can’t, there is always enough cognac to go around.

Marry Christmas babies,

Xoxo Tease

Letters Today, Leaders Tomorrow.

Lot's of GDI's/haters on the internet lately (they don't have anything better to do I guess).  

They will say that you are just a cookie cutter ho who wears the same outfit as your 200 sisters. What they don't realize is you have fun. A LOT more fun than then will ever have in college or the real world. They don't get that you know it's college, that's why you are having fun now. Because lord knows in a few years you will be happily married with a great job, an even better husband and some cute kids. And they will be single, living off their parents and working for you.  Know why? Here's why:

• Over 800 campuses in the United States and Canada participate in GreekLife.
• All but two US presidents since 1825 have been Greek
• All but two US VP's since 1825 have been Greek
• All of the Apollo 11 Astronauts were Greek
• 85% of the Fortune 500 executives belong to a fraternity
• Graduation rates for Greeks- 70%. GDI's- 50%
• 1 st Female Senator was Greek 
• 1 st Female Astronaut was Greek 
• The Greek system is the largest network of volunteers in the US, with members donating over 10 million hours of volunteer service each year 

AND YET...

only 2% of the US population is Greek. 


So, while we have TFM, they have TGDIM and TCCM.
We have hundreds of "sisters" and "brothers" who will be our best friends for life. They have the their chemlab partner and fr year dorm mate. Going Greek is not for everyone, obvi, but if you know what's good for you and your future, you made it into a set of letters and you made it to this site. 


I wear nike shorts and take addy like a champ, I'll be the first to tweet about it. But I also get good grades and will go to graduate school. 


My sisters spend just as much time planning recruitment as studying for their tests (ok, more). We have Honors students, Engineers, Chemistry, Physics, English, Political Science, History, Education, Communications and Business Students. We have studied in many different countries. We have almost 100% involvement in other activities. We play intramural and club sports, we do ROTC, we have jobs. We joined a lifelong bond and stuck with it. 


If you're greek, raise your hand. If you're not....raise your standards.